I Knew This Would Happen Eventually

Overheard last night after scolding Genna for being fresh:
"Ella, Mommy is so mean. She is not going to be my friend anymore and she can't come to my private party. Hey Ella, only you and Linus and Bosco are coming to my private party. And Mommy and Daddy. Oh, no. Mommy can't come cuz she's so mean. Come on Ella, my party is downstairs."

What three-year-old has a private party?

Thoughts on Seattle

It's hard to believe that merely a week ago, we were lounging around having an amazing breakfast at our friends' house in Seattle. Herr and I spent a fantastic four days there, entertained by our friends, Frank and Laura, who have lived there for eight years.

I feel I should mention that Seattle is the hilliest.city.ever. It is hillier than San Francisco and Pittsburgh combined. When one walks to the Public Market, it is a breeze to walk down. Once laden with groceries for dinner, it is a BEAST of a hill to walk back up. I am thinking that the residents of Seattle, in theory, should have amazing calves and thighs.

We spent a lot of time exploring the neighborhoods of Seattle. Sometimes, we spent time deciding which road we should take:


















Sometimes we drove around until we found the perfect view:













I also spent the four days trying to figure out how we could get some quick cash to buy one of the 200 dream homes I saw there:
It wasn't just the houses I loved--the views they had from their windows were most assuredly priceless.











Laura also took us past sites that were of interest if you love movies like, "Sleepless In Seattle." She even drove us past the apartment that was the backdrop for one of my favorite movies of my collge years, "Singles."
















I also had the luxury of going to a movie! Herr and I always talk a good game about going to the movies when we have the very-occasional babysitter, but we are usually too tired once we've eaten dinner. Laura and I went without the guys as Herr and Frank would have been forced to relinquish their male memberships cards had they gone to this movie.

We got to visit all of the things we wanted to see while we were in Seattle. We visited the Olympic Sculpture Park which was really cool. I took some really neat photos at the Gas Works Park, which is on Lake Union. I had all but begged Laura to book us a couple of mani/pedis instead of going to The Museum of Flight, but it turned out to be much cooler than I anticipated. We got to see the inside of an older Air Force One. They also had an exhibit called, "Style in the Aisle: The History of Fasion in Flight." I'm not stupid--how else would you get women to come to this museum and willingly stay for 3+ hours without a mall in sight?!

The only thing that turned out to be an enormous disappointment was The Seattle Underground in Pioneer Square. Herr had been really excited to see this and had been looking forward to it for a couple of weeks. Unfortuantely, you learn AFTER you have paid your $14 per person, that the tour is a venue where failed comedians come to die. Our tour guide was Gail. I'm all for a little dash of humor with my history lesson, but we quickly tired of Gail's Ellen DeGeneres-talking-under-her-breath-with-the-punchline schtick. Once we were able to head up to the street, we turned left while the rest of the group went straight. At least we had been able to enjoy the Elliott Bay Book Company while we were in Pioneer Square.

The best part of Seattle was the food! When Frank wasn't feeding us amazing food, he and Laura were taking us to really good restaurants. It would seem natural that a visit with Frank and Laura revolves around food. We all met 17 years ago when we worked at an Italian Restaurant in Bloomington Indiana. Laura, Herr and I were servers, paying our way through IU and Frank was the Chef of the restaurant. We are two sets of couples who married after our employments at Grisanti's (there are actually two more couples who married after working there!) We know that if we are with Frank, we will eat well.

Geraldine's on Capitol Hill was amazing for breakfast and totally worth the wait. La Carta de Oaxaca may very well have been the best Mexican food I have ever had. It is a favorite of Frank and Laura's, and for good reason. Laura said that if you think you want to go there for dinner, there is no point in trying unless you get there at 5:00PM. She said that people wait around the block for hours just to eat there. It is a tiny family-owned place that may seat about 30 people. They have a "small plate" menu, so you can order a ton of different things to try. The fish tacos were pretty amazing. Tuta Bella was also outrageously good. It is one of only a handful of true neapolitan pizza restaurants in the United States. The salads and pizza were so.damn.good. They also served this crazy chocolate latte thingy made with Nutella which may as well be labeled, "crack in a cup." It has replaced Starbuck's, Gingerbread Latte and the best latte ever. Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't mention our wonderful meal at the Palace Kitchen. While it did have a more sophisticated menu than most, the Grilled Chicken Wings with coriander cream were pretty damn flawless. I am not a wings kind of a gal, but they were good. They were so good that Herr has been inspired to try to replicate them at home.

And now, I am back home, wondering how I can parlay my blog into a food review site...

February 15

I remember February 14, 2001 like it was yesterday. Herr and I were having a lovely dinner at a restaurant outside of Pittsburgh. I had been edgy all night, worried about my parents. You see, my father was nearing the end of his life. He had been dying a slow and agonizing death, but in the weeks after Christmas 2000, he had started to rapidly deteriorate. His heart transplant surgeon and nurses drove to my parents' home two hours away to say their good-byes to him after it was determined that there would be no more trips to the hospital. They had known him for 10 years. I supppose the end has to be near if that happens.

I had been spending a lot of time in Indiana helping my mother care for him. I had been there the previous weekend and planned to go home in a day or two, but I told Herr that I had a feeling that I should go home that very minute. My husband, being the voice of reason, reminded me that it was a six hour drive home and I couldn't see at night when I drive. He told me to pack a bag when I got home, go into the office in the morning and leave for Indiana after I had time to talk to my boss.

The next morning, I got to my office before 7:00 so that I could check some emails and leave some voicemails before I left. My phone rang at 7:10. When I picked it up, it was my mom, telling me that Dad had just died. Even though I knew that this news was coming, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach and couldn't breathe.

I don't beat myself up much anymore for not going with my gut and driving home that night. Except on February 15. I would have given anything to have been there so that my mother wouldn't have had to go through the torture of watching the bumbling EMTs try to figure out how to get him out of their bedroom. The angle of the room and the narrow width and zig-zag of the hallway made it impossible for the overweight EMTs to take him down the hallway and out of the house. Instead, they took him out through a fucking window like he was a piece of furniture.

I would have given anything to be there to hold his hand because he was so very afraid to die. While he would never admit it to my mother, he had some concerns about the afterlife. No more Packers and Cubs games, no more breakfasts at Louie's Cafe, no more books to read, no more money-making schemes to plan, no more time with his family. He was worried about Mom and what was going to happen to her after he was gone. A week before he died he made me promise that I would always take care of Mom and my sister. Time was running out and he was terrified. He did not go peacefully. He fought tooth and nail. It wasn't until the hospice worker told him to just close his eyes and let go that he finally did.

Most of the time, it seems like Dad died a lifetime ago. In some ways he did. My life is so much different now with two children, changed jobs and having lived in 5 different places since 2001. But every February 15, the pain and the tears return. Every year I am surprised that the rawness of my feelings and the pain in my stomach is just as strong as they were the day he died.

Happy Valentine's Day

In case you were wondering, Ella was in charge of choosing their outfits and accessories. If you are familiar with Ella's creative sense of style, this should come as no surprise. She lives for holidays that have a corresponding "color" to them.

Genna Turned Three!

Genna had her birthday party on Saturday. She was pretty pleased with herself. Despite some coaching with Ella over several days, she still managed to forget that she had a birthday a couple of months earlier. She got pretty jealous of some of Genna's loot--particularly a Tinkerbell Doll. Ella went on and on about the doll and asked me to leave the party and buy one right that minute. After I told her to chill out, she asked if she could have one for her birthday. I told her that if she still wanted one 10 months from now, maybe she would. Then she asked who bought it. When I told her that our neighbors, Lori and Brian purchased, she walked over to them and asked if they would buy one for her when it was her birthday. At least she asked with manners--at least I think she did.

Herr and I are off to Seattle in about an hour. Sans children. Awwww yeah.
We'll be back Monday morning.

She Just Can't Pass Up Pushing a Button

A few days ago, Herr and I picked up the girls from daycare. After about 10 minutes in the car, we suddenly heard Ella SOBBING in the back seat.

"What is the matter, Honey?"

"But, but, GENNA said that the moon is hers and it can't be mine, so I can't look at it out of her window and I can't see it out of miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeee."

Oh course, my reaction is fairly typical for me when faced with this constant nonsense: "Are you KIDDING ME Ella? How OLD are you?!"

*sniff* "Five."

Then I look over at Genna, who is smiling like the Cheshire Cat and making a "heh heh heh" noise.

And then I turned around, looked at Herr, and started to quietly laugh in the sleeve of my coat so the girls wouldn't see. Then I got all stern and told Genna that she is going into timeout when we get home and I inform them both that the moon belongs to everyone.

This sort of game occurs every single day. Ella is the sweet innocent antelope grazing in the savannah, and Genna is the cheetah, going in for the kill. Genna lives for pushing Ella's buttons and driving her to the brink of insanity and she isn't even 3 yet. Ella has been 5 for a couple of months and she continues to fall for it and not stand up for herself. Ella's immediate reaction is to start crying. I have told her to pretend that Genna is an annoying mosquito and that she should just ignore her. But she can't. I have told Genna to stop being mean to her sister. But she can't.

I don't know, maybe this is just the way it is for siblings. I hope not. I don't think I will survive their teenage years if this doesn't stop.

At Least She Told the Truth

Herr to Genna this evening:

"Hey Genna, are you going to come and snuggle with Ella, Mommy and me in bed or do want to stand in front of the tv and pick your nose?"

"I want to pick my nose."

This Was Just What I Needed

I came home tonight after having dinner with one of our company's VPs and promptly ate two frozen waffles. Everyone ordered from the "small plates" part of the menu. NO ONE was going to be the one to order an actual dinner. Can you tell it was a dinner of only women? Normally when it is the five of us, we are not afraid to eat, but the VP had everyone on their best dietary behavior. As it was, I was the pig who actually had soup AND a salad, and nibbled on the appetizer (for the record, the food was REALLY good!)

The real bummer was that I have recently developed a sensitivity to alcohol. I can no longer drink wines and many beers without my face turning the crimson and splotchy. I thought I was safe with one of my all-time favorites, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. I didn't even get to drink a third sip. The worst part of the evening occurred on the way out the door when I looked in my wallet and realized that I didn't have a dollar to give the coat check girl. My co-worker and I BOTH had to hit up my boss for a dollar. My co-worker and I tried to be subtle about it, but that didn't work out so well. Wait, no, the worst part of the evening was when I was in the car on the way to the restaurant and mistook my Tide To-Go Bleach pen for lip gloss.

I checked my emails and got the following photos and commentary from my friend Mark. I can't think of a better way to unwind than to make fun of others. Be sure to leave your votes for your favorite photos in my comments section. And if you actually KNOW any of these people, EVEN BETTER! ENJOY!

Actual Olan Mills photos Actual



Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.hose glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.

Thoughtful glance. Mirthful glance. Two sides of a delightful coin.


Drake won Bitchin'est Senior Mullet by a landslide.


That dude wore a tie for nothing.


The Purvis family made several stops along theOregon Trailto document their six-month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus.


I wanted a shot like this for my wedding. The Mrs. said no.


It's called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn't have one in the early 70s, you were a big fat loser.


Once they had two or three, how did they ever find enough time alone to make more?


No Comment


Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her?



Oh, this is super. What better way to capture the charm and innocence of a child than to plunk him down amid the coarse trappings of a life lived in pursuit of wealth -- oversized bills, an adding machine and the Wall Street Journal -- and make him sit inside a briefcase? (They probably just fold up the little demon right in there to carry him home.) The finishing touch is the globe, which completes the portrait of the young Antichrist in Chess King vest and Red Goose loafers, plotting his takeover of the world (insert maniacal laugh). That is, as soon as someone changes his poopy diaper.


Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Shoney's.


Rejected Toby Keith album cover.


Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit.


Dawn and her recently exhumed sister, Gorgotha, pose with Scraps.


This photo isn't discolored. The 70' s really were that Orange.


And don't miss the First Presbyterian Players as they perform "Godspell" next Wednesday night in the Fellowship Hall. Childcare will be provided. Please bring a covered dish.



Olan Mills Backdrop #11: The Library, one of their most popular themes, as seen in this photo of the young Unabomber and his wife.


The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren't sloping downhill


Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Tara,where, apparently, someone opened a Hair Cuttery.


Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie


You'd think Pearle Vision would throw in another two pairs for free.


Grapefruit smuggling isn't a crime, but posing it in profile should be.


Kenneth and his prom date



I got a 20 that says he drives a Camaro.


Hiroshima , 1945. The last known photo of Kelli and Senor Loco.

e this was Dad's idea.

Someone spent money on this.


It's so cute when couples have matching hairdos


WTF ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair


I'd hide my face, too, little girl


B-52's, the early years.


She's looking for the speaker that's piping in "Muskrat Love" so she can blast it with her laser eyes.

Answer The Phones At Your Own Risk

I work in a small regional office for my company. The phone doesn't ring much, but when it does, it is sometimes an unhappy customer or an unhappy employee. A lot of times it's a wrong number. There is a definite increase in weird phone calls when there is a full moon. I could swear it is a full moon right now.

Around noon today the phone rang, and I answered. It was my mother.

"Are you OK?"

I thought she was referring to the blizzard we ended up not getting.

"I'm fine. We didn't get any snow, so I am here at work."

"No Hausfrau. I need to know what is going on. I just called your house and your number is disconnected and the operator said there was no forwarding number. What one EARTH is going on?!"

"Um, Mom, our number is not disconnected. This is the third time in the past year you have called to tell me that my phone is disconnected and it's not. We pay our bills. You're dialing the wrong number."

"Let me check--I dialed 610-867-5309--is that right?"

"Yes Mom. That's right. And it's not disconnected."

"HAUSFRAU! Don't argue with your mother. I am telling you it is disconnected."

"Mom. I will check it myself and call you back." Of course, when I called my house, my phone rang and went into voicemail. I hung up and debated calling her back. I had just spent five minutes talking to a crazy woman who was probably under the influence of bourbon or gin and I still didn't know why she had called. I had work to do. I called her back because I knew she would just keep calling.

I should have known that it would be a mistake to call her back. It was like a two hour Lifetime movie sped up to be 15 minutes in length. There was male-bashing (against my ex-brother-in-law,) witty one-liners, laughter, anger, swearing, and lots of tears. After I calmed her down, I told her I would call her after work and I hung up. I was exhausted.

An hour or so later, my boss got a call from her mother. Her call was much more amusing and interesting. It seems her cousin is the fake Jessica Simpson that the New York Post hired for the Dallas-Giants game.

2008 Will be Great! Really!

The New Year has started off with a bang for us. We had a fantastic time visiting our friends for a week up in Canada. While it is true that I had pneumonia and didn't know it, and Ella broke her finger and we didn't know it until the next day, and our poor little Bosco ripped his paw at the kennel on New Year's Day and had to go to the emergency vet to get stitches, WE REALLY DID HAVE A GREAT TIME!

Now that we are back to our normal life, we really do have a lot to look forward to in the coming year. Here is my list in no particular order.

1. Genna will be potty trained. She just will. She has to because I am tired of her pooping her pants and lying about it. The problem is that her poop REALLY DOESN'T STINK and it will sit in her diaper for an hour and then she will have a blistering diaper rash. We started the potty training this weekend, and it is going OK. She is now just lying about whether or not she peed or pooped in her panties.

2. Genna will be three next month. I have high hopes for her once she turns three since her two-year-old self has just about killed Herr and me.

3. Ella will start kindergarten in the fall. I can't believe my baby will soon be an actual STUDENT in the fall.

4. We are going to get some home projects done. We are having our 3x7 foot "master" bathcloset (it's not a bathroom!) gutted and remodeled. We are replacing interior doors on the second floor and finishing up installing crown moulding. We are also going to get started on finishing up a small section of the unfinished side of our basement to create more living space. We'll also get started on our kitchen. Just in time for Herr to take a new job and move us somewhere else. Kidding, people. I kid. Maybe.

5. The absolutely best, most fantastic show EVER in the history of television premieres it's fifth and final season tonight. I am so excited about the premiere of The Wire , I almost can't stand myself.

6. Herr and I are going to get to do a bit of travelling this year, sans children. We are heading to Seattle in February to visit some friends. Then we are going to celebrate our 15th anniversary a couple of months early by going to Hawaii in late-July. If anyone has some suggestions for what we should do in Kaui, by all means let me know.

7. I have a huge pile of books to read over the coming months, with a list of many more I want to get.

8. The New York Times is FINALLY delivering our Sunday paper consistently. Now I have the comfort of knowing that I can send the girls to the basement every Sunday morning so that I may drink my coffee in peace and read the "Sunday Styles" section. I absolutely LOVE reading the wedding pages.

9. Speaking of weddings, my friends Mark and Phil are going to have a commitment ceremony in the spring with a reception at MOMA . It will coincide with Herr's birthday, so it should be a blast of a weekend. I also recently heard that my gay cousin has decided he's not gay anymore and is getting married to a woman with two kids sometime this year. Now THAT should be some Hausfrau family fun. I am pretty sure my invite will be lost in the mail because I have been asking the questions that no one else has been asking. Namely, "How is he not gay anymore?!" No one seems to think this is at all strange, which may be an indicator of just how whacked out my family truly is.

10. My friends will be having babies! I have two friends who will be having babies in the next few weeks and I couldn't be more thrilled. One is definitely a girl and the other is unknown. This will allow me to unload a ton of baby stuff so that we can work on the basement, as mentioned in item #4.

11.  And finally, a new President will be elected in November.  I haven't decided if I will vote for Obama or Hillary yet.  I would really just rather vote for Bill again.


How about you? What are you looking forward to?

Preparations for the Big Man

Last night, the girls prepared for a visit from a jolly man with a red suit and reindeer. They opened up the fireplace door:






Then the girls got some snacks ready for Santa and the reindeer:


































Their efforts were rewarded. Merry Christmas!

It Was Probably a Poor Choice of Words on Herr's Part

Herr had the girls clean up the basement so that he could teach them how to play a new game, called Elefun, that Ella got for her birthday. Instead of actually going down to the basement to supervise, he did his parenting the Hausfrau way, by barking orders from the first floor. After listening to the girls mess around and laugh for about 15 minutes, Herr shouted down to the basement, "Are you girls jacking around or what?"

"Where's Jack? I wanna play with Jack! Is Jack here?" cried Genna.

"No, Genna, when I say "jacking around," I mean that you and your sister are messing around instead of cleaning up the room like I asked."

"But Daddy," said Genna, "I am not jacking off."

I Can't Breathe

My sweet little princess, my little sunshine, my happy-go-lucky daughter who makes my heart melt when she smiles turned five today.

I only cried for about 10 minutes on the way to work.