Friday, June 30, 2006

Letter to Herr's Former Employer

Dear Procter & Gamble:

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you for lying to my husband to move us out here. Fuck you for promising my husband the moon and the stars (ahem--so was NOT thinking about their old logo--hehe.)Fuck you for announcing a restructuring TWO WEEKS before we got here but not picking up the phone to tell him. Fuck you for then dragging your ass for 10 months to decide that you really weren't serious about R&D for the pharmaceutical side of your business. Fuck you for being the cause of our second move in one year. But most of all, FUCK YOU for not planning on paying out severance packages until 6-8 weeks AFTER the employees are severed. That means 6-8 weeks from today. Fuckers.

But thanks so much for renting out an Irish Pub a couple of Fridays ago so that all of the employees who have lost their jobs could drink the afternoon away. I am sure they all pulled out of the parking lot that evening, flush with the happiness that good old P&G cared enough to give them a proper Irish send off. Or wake, depending on how you look at it. Oh, lest I forget my manners, thank you so much for the paperweight with the cool double helix inside that everyone got as a parting gift. I am sure it will be the gift that keeps on giving.


Dr. Herr Hausfrau's Pissed Off Wife

P.S. Oh yeah, fuck you for now forcing me to prolong my shopping trips to avoid your products. I really liked my Swiffer. And My Crest Whitestrips.


The June Cleaver Diaries said...

Oh dear. We're both on the letter-rant today. I'm still boggled about the payout delay. It's not like they didn't know D-Day was coming, and it's not like they don't have the cash.

Boy, the bar must have been a treat. Throw the paperweight through the CEO's office window.

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Herr didn't see the point of attending the soire at the pub. He wouldn't waste the paperweight, though. It is really cool.

Melissa said...

I'm trying to feel mad for you guys and I do I promise. But I am also kinda laughing. I think you should print it out and mail it. Great post.

MetroDad said...

Get drunk and late at night, toss the fucking paperweight through their window. At the very least, it'll probably make you guys feel better.

Sorry the corporate a-holes screwed you guys over, Misfit. Let's organize a boycott!

The June Cleaver Diaries said...

Can we all do a shot for every "fuck" uttered in your post? I bet we'll all feel better.

CroutonBoy said...

Fucking corporate pigs. I'll bet the guys making the decisions are driving home (or being driven home) in their high-end cars, with a detour to bang their mistress, and rolling around in a bed made from shredded bearer-bonds. Don't worry...when the revolution comes they will be the first beheaded.

I'm flipping them the bird for you.

Candace said...

This is one of those times I wish I had known you before your move. I could have tried to talk Herr out of taking the job. Mr. Foot has never worked for P&G, but boy do we have stories from friends.

I'm so, so sorry they're being asshats.

M&Co. said...

I knew there was a reason I didn't use a swiffer.....besides the fact that I'm lazy and don't dust, I mean.

kimmyk said...

I love it when you cuss Hausfrau!

I say mail the letter....right after you move...far away.

I'd boycott with ya, but I love my swiffer and my white strips. I will not use them for one day...take that you P & G pigs.

Stevo said...

Fuck 'em - you guys will bounce back bigger & better than ever.

Plus hopefully, you'll end up closer to Pittsburgh!!!

adria said...

I was just complaining to my husband that I do NOT think the swiffer products are all that!
Great post!
I cannot believe the paper weight gift. WTF?!

Suburban Turmoil said...

Wow. The fuckers. What is their PROBLEM?

Andie D. said...

As my husband and his pilot buddies say, "Fuck the fuckin' fuckers!"

Mail it. ;)