Sunday, August 19, 2007

Two Weeks Later and Mom is Still Nuts

I have hestitated writing much about my mother over the past week. I really didn't want to turn my blog into a site about my Mom which would probably be a most depressing piece of drivel. That said, I will provide a brief update: My sister has been there two weekends in a row and we are no further along in trying to help my mother. It certainly isn't from a lack of trying. We are trying to set up home healthcare (currently it is a minimum 3 month wait), but we can't because they need financial information and my mother hasn't done her taxes in seven years and is in fear of the IRS auditing her. We even offered to fill out the tax forms and just not send them--as long as we have the factual amounts on a 1040 EZ, I am reasonably sure that a home healthcare agency will not check in with the IRS to see if a refund was actually granted her in 2006 (there is no way she owes taxes as she makes NO MONEY.) My mother claims that is dishonest and she won't do it. I told her that it was dishonest to choose to NOT do her taxes for 7 years, but that sailed right over her head.

Mom also doesn't want to tell us how much money she has currently. Mind you, she called me a couple of months ago and told me that she had lived way longer than she expected and is very worried about running out of money. At that time, I told her that if that was the case, we needed to make some arrangements for her care. When I asked her how much she had, she refused to tell me. I told my sister to try to find out what is in her accounts this weekend because the sooner she is out of money, the sooner we can get her on Medicaid. I also asked her to find out the balance of her car and we would work on getting it paid off and sell it. When I looked into Medicaid a few years ago, one of the requirements was that one couldn't have a car worth over a certain amount of month (basically you have do drive a shit car to qualify for Medicaid.) Even though her Lincoln Town Car is old, it isn't a shit car--therefore, no Medicaid.

About an hour ago, my phone rang and it was my sister, telling me to talk to Mom because Mom is mad that she is going through her things. I explained to Mom why Sis is trying to get this information. Mom accused us of only being interested in a potential inheritance. That is when I laughed and laughed, making her angrier.


Andie D. said...

You know what? Please write about your mom. Whatever is happening in your life.

a) We care about you and what is going on in your life.
b) A lot of us have parents who do or will need our care. Even if we don't have to deal with your exact same situation, it's good to think about how we will deal. Or should prepare for that eventuality.

I know it's not easy. I really would love to help somehow. It would be nice to have a neutral third party help if possible. Is that possible?

Take care of yourself.


L. said...

Write about whatever you feel the need to write about.

And hang in there!

margalit said...

You write about your mom when you need to. And now you need to a lot, so feel more than free. We're here to listen and support you.

You need to get your mom hospitalized for a few days so you can go through her things. You CAN just do a quick tax passthru, with her documents (w2) and send it into the IRS. They'll finish it, charge her a ton of interest and penalties, and then you can make a deal with them for somethng like 40 cents on the dollar. They'll deal with you, especially since your mom is so altered.

That shouldn't take long. Also, I'm not sure how long the IRS allows, but after a certain amount of time they just take the loss. YOu gotta call them and talk to them. They're WAY easier to deal with if you come to them than if they come after you. I speak from experience.

Medicaid can't take a car away, and as far as I know, the value of your car doesn't have anything to do with medicaid. Every state has a different set of rules, but that sounds VERY fishy to me. Did your mom tell you that? Plus, Medicaid and Medicare are two different things. Medicaid is a state program, Medicare is federal. If your mom is disabled, she is entitled to medicare BUT there is a two year waiting period where she'll have to use medicaid. However, if you can get her into a teaching hospital, you can file for free care, and then she'll have her medical stuff all done for free.

What you are going to need most of all is a power of attorney. If she is so altered as you say, then you need to hire an attorney and go to court and get her power of attorney so that YOU can make the decisions and she really has no choice but to follow them.

In the meantime, check around and find out which hospital has a genrentology psych unit (old crazy people...there are plenty of them out there) and try to get her in there asap. The sooner she's out of her house, the sooner you and your sister can get in there and go through her stuff. You want to save her home, car, and valuables, right? So consult with an attorney about the best way to go about it, but hospitalize her so she can't interfer in your help.

I know how hard this is. I had to do with for my very crazy cousin, who died intestate because she WOULD NOT sign a will.

Lumpyheadsmom said...

I'm so sorry.

Katy said...

I'm with Margalit. Can you talk to her doctor about getting her in for a da or two for tests? It's not like it's easy for her to be going back and forth to appointments.

Katy said...

Whoops--wrong link. BTW, I started the site over again, and there's no way in hell my parents are going to find it this time.

merseydotes said...

Hausfrau, I am just catching up on your blog and am so sorry for all this drama with your mom. Your mom sounds a lot like my dad (alcoholism, mental illness, financial problems), and for years I have been fearing the kind of situation you describe. We're not there yet, but I think it's only a matter of five or ten more years.

You said you have medical power of attorney; how about regular power of attorney? It would sure piss your mom off to have you legally use that power, but it would make it so much easier to fix this situation.

Don't worry about your blog becoming depressing; you need to take advantage of the free therapy that is writing!

Be Inspired Always said...

I just came upon your blog today and your Mom and my mom sound like they are twin sisters. Very hectic, I know. A few weeks ago I made the decision to get together with my parents again after 10 years. It turned out better than I thought... but I'm not sure if I want to go through the "panic" of it everytime I suggest... "should I go?"

My kids are now 10 and 11.. they last saw them when they were babies.

My kids did enjoy seeing them since for the most part they were on their best behavior.

If I would write about my mom I think I would have to rename my blog.... to "GOING NUTS."

Feel free to vent.....