1. I cannot poop in public. I.just.cannot. When I was living the life in Corporate America, I managed to train my body so that I didn't have to risk doing that nonsense at work. It was before work or after work. There were only a couple of times where I would sweat it because I started a new job with a new company, and for some reason, my body decided it had to change the routine. But by and large, it didn't happen at work.
Until I became pregnant. By that time, we had moved to New Jersey and my office was a broom closet in one of our stores. And it was across from the bathroom. It wasn't so bad until I would travel to the corporate offices in Pittsburgh. Then panic would set in. After awhile, I found the safest place to go was the bathroom in the first floor gym.
I am equally bad at hotels if I have roommates. I used to work for a company that was big on having corporate meetings in San Francisco about 4 times a year. They would match us up with another rep from somewhere else in the country to share a hotel room. It sucked. I finally got wise and told the travel agent I needed a smoking room to ensure that I would have my own room. It was such a relief when I joined another company a year later that actually had a policy that people could NOT share hotel rooms.
2. Speaking of hotel rooms, I have a routine whenever I come into my room for the first time. I immediately remove the comforter and put it in the closet. If I remember, I bring a pillowcase for the top pillow I will sleep on(and I usually leave it there.) I also bring Clorox Wipes and give the toilet and sink a rub down. Then I inspect the towels and bed for hair. If I see hair, I call the front desk for new linens. I will not walk barefoot in a hotel room, I wear flip flops in the shower and am fully clothed (with socks) when I sleep. Travelling extensively for two companies caused this behavior. My husband HATES it. I try to hide most of it from my friends when we stay in hotels, but removing the comforter is a bit hard to hide. One would think after reading this that the bathrooms in my house are meticulous. Not so much. I am thrilled if one of the four is cleaned in a week.
3. Whenever I board a plane, the first step I make on the plane has to be with my right foot. It just does. I have a feeling it is a control issue. I can control how I walk on the plane. What happens after that is up to others. My worst nightmare is that one day, the plane will be piloted by the biggest stoner from the La Porte High School class of 1987, a guy named Glen. The last I heard from him, his father was begging me to fly with him because he needed flying time. Had I not just been at a party with him the night before, watching him partakein a big ol spliff, I might have reconsidered.
4. I will play a song I love in my car over and over and over and over and over again. It was fine until Baby Girl started to recite lyrics in public. This habit annoys my husband as much as the hotel routine. I usually only do it when he's not in the car.
5. I am terrified of clowns. I hated Bozo and his friend Cooky but my mother would turn on the damn Bozo Show every damn day. Don't even get me started on clowns that walk around and mingle at parades. One came up to me to hug her when I was a kid at the LaPorte 4th of July Parade and I peed my pants after I hauled off and hit her. It was made quite clear to Herr that he will be responsible for taking the girls to the circus or attend future birthday parties that feature clowns. I will NOT do it. I do tolerate Krusty the Clown, though.
6. I have always had the dream that I will someday be a famous rock star. It doesn't matter that I don't read music, can't play an instrument and have never sung in public sober. I know I'm good. I'm not going to let the fact that I am a 37 year old mom in Ohio stop me. I choose to not watch American Idol. I could kick all of their asses. I will be discovered by an agent while I am singing in the shower at the gym. I will be immediately signed to a label and cut a hit record. I will hire all of my girlfriends to be in my entourage and we will have two tour busses--one for us and all of our clothes and beauty products and the other bus will be for all of our children, nannies and pets. No husbands allowed on the tour bus--too much estrogen. Herr will no longer have to toil away as a Scientist, trying to cure the world one drug at a time. Instead, I will buy him a building and he can live out his fantasy of brewing the perfect beer and pondering amusing names for said beer like, "Herr of the Dog" and "v1/v2 = (m2/m1)1/2."
Now it's your turn!!! KimmyK, June Cleaver, Erin Dances with Scorpions? Beuller? Beuller?