Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Queen for a Week!

Queen Hausfrau here, lounging poolside, sipping appletinis and eating bonbons. Well, not really, but pretty darn close in my world. You see, my husband is out of town interviewing (this week it is Groton, CT and then Atlanta.) And while I miss him horribly while he is gone, I tend to get a lot more work done. In addition, I drove to Bloomington, IN this morning and dropped Baby Girl off for a couple of days of fun with Gramma. They kicked the morning off by seeing Dora Live at the IU Auditorium. And I didn't have to go with them--SUUUWEEET!

This is Baby Girl looking all Dora-rific in her Dora dress and a Dora jacket that Gramma made.

For the first time in a long time, I had the chance to do some shopping at a mall with just one child. I went to the Prescriptives makeup counter and Peaches sweetly and patiently watched as the makeup lady worked her magic. I had a wonderful and quiet ride home as Peaches slept in the back.

When I came home, I noticed a box on the porch. It was from my friend Laura. I opened it up and almost started crying. It was a huge gift box of Kiehl's products! I am a Kiehl's junkie in a town that apparently doesn't sell any. I stock up when I am in a town that has it, or order it online but I was out of a particular face cream. When I went on the Kiehl's website a couple of weeks ago, I didn't see it and it said something about it being discontinued. In a panic, I called Laura because she works for a fabulous upscale retailer that sells Kiehl's in their stores. I told her about my dilemna and asked if she could scare some up since her company only sells it in stores--not on their website. And then I promptly forgot about it.

Well, she got me a huge jar of the cream, a lip balm, an eye cream, a pineapple face scrub (how did she KNOW I needed it for the stress acne I am experiencing for the first time in my life?) and a huge tube of hand salve (how could she know that the knuckles on my right hand are cracked and bleeding from my days toiling as a Hausfrau?!) Then I felt REALLY bad, thinking how bad it must look for me to be calling her about a particular product when my birthday is right around the corner! I called her to thank her and told her I felt bad and hoped she didn't think I had been dropping her hints. She said that I hadn't and that she had been thinking I needed some pampering. God love her. But now, I am feeling like even MORE of a jackass because I told one of my girlfriends about scoring the cream and she informed me that I was high for thinking it was discontinued because she just ordered it on the Kiehl's website without a problem. I am going to have to investigate that a little further...

So now, I've got an almost empty house (Peaches is in bed sleeping), I've got products, a bathtub I haven't used in months, the latest US Weekly (the one with Britney and KFed on the cover,) beer (cause I'm classy that way,) and ice cream in the freezer. There is a new episode of Lost on tonight, too! Pinch me, I must be dreaming!

But my good times will not be ending tonight--Peaches and I are going shopping tomorrow, I am getting a mani-pedi on Saturday and we have a sitter Saturday Night. I haven't been this girlie in awhile. Baby Girl and Herr Hausfrau may not recognize me when they come back on Friday.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

That Karma--She Is a Bitch

Is it so wrong to not want to go to a friend's house for a Sunday lunchtime playdate? Our husbands are out playing golf today and we decided to get together so that all the girls could play together late morning. Peaches woke up this morning really fussy and feverish. I knew she was cutting a tooth, but I layed it on a bit thick when I called my friend to bag the playdate. I was sort of excited to have the morning off--I painted Peaches' bedroom yesterday so it would look better when the house goes up for sale. I wanted to spend the morning doing touch-ups and putting things back. I also wanted to run to the store and get a curtain rod for her room and some sheers for Baby Girl's room.

In the 67 minutes we were away from home the following happened: I got a speeding ticket for going 61 mph in a 40mph zone ( a stretch of road that is 55 mph with the exception of a small stretch of road AFTER a steep hill--who knew?). We finally got to the store, at which point Baby Girl decided she needed to go to the bathroom. No problem, right? WRONG! Baby Girl can spot an automatic flushing toilet a mile away and WILL NOT go on one. Even if I cover the sensor part with toilet paper. Do you know how hard it is to hold toilet paper over a sensor thingie AND hold your daughter's two hands so that she won't touch the toilet? After ten minutes of negotiating the toilet, Baby Girl decided she didn't really need to go anyway. Fair enough. No sooner did we get to the back of the store when she said,
"Mommy, I really need to go to the potty."
"Honey, are you actually going to go?"
"Yes, Mommy. I will be brave."

Fine, we went BACK to the front of the store (did I mention it's a big store?) and into the bathroom. I carefully laid the toilet paper on the seat, pulled down her pants and set her down. And then it happened. The toilet flushed, even though I covered up the sensor thingie. After much screaming and crying, she said she would be brave and she peed. YAY! Trauma over. We finished up our business and went BACK to the back of the store. As I am picking out some cute shoes for Peaches (What--I'll get to the curtain rods in a minute--they are right on the way!), Baby Girl said,
"Mommy, I really need to go to the potty again. I really,really do."
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? We JUST WENT! Do you really need to go?"
"Yes Mommy."

I put the merchandise on the shelf and headed back to the front of the store. Baby Girl was very excited to be "brave" again and happily went potty, washed her hands and was done.

Great. Back to the shoes. I found some cute blue sandals for Peaches for a wedding in April and found a cute dress for Baby Girl. On to the curtain rods. No problem. I got a set of cheap curtain rods and got ready to get in line at the front. Of course it's a long wait. It only makes sense that Baby Girl would start singing one of her favorite tunes. That's what she does when we are in line at a store. Typically it is something from Laurie Berkner or the Dora theme song. Not today. It seems that she is memorizing song lyrics from the Wilco cd that is in my car. First she sang the verse from "Jesus, etc"

last cigarettes
and all you can get
turning your orbit around

There is something REALLY BAD about hearing the word "Cigarette" come out of the mouth of a happily singing 3 year old. The woman in front of me could not whip around and glare at me fast enough. Oh, but it got better. Then Baby Girl sang the chorus from "Heavy Metal Drummer,"

I miss the innocence I've known
Playing KISS covers, beautiful and stoned

Oh yeah, she SCREAMED the word STONED.

That pretty much caused all conversations in the lines on both sides of us to cease. The lady in front of me turned back around and said, "Whatever is she singing?" I told the woman it was a song from preschool. Baby Girl then said, "NO it's NOT! It's WILCO! From Mommy's CAR!"

With a flaming red face, I finally we got through the line and paid for my purchases. I told Baby Girl to stand up in the cart so that I could put her coat on. She had a pained expression on her face, but she stood up. That's right people, the girl who just had marathon peeing session in the bathroom peed her pants and on the coat she was sitting on. I don't even know where all the pee CAME from since she didn't drink all of her milk this morning. At about this time, Peaches started screaming because we had been dicking around for so long and it was past her lunch time. To shut her up, I opened up my backpack to give her some pretzels. The zipper promptly broke and my wallet and everything else fell out. After cleaning up the mess and getting the pee soaked coat onto Baby Girl, we got ready to head out the the parking lot. In a hail storm. Baby Girl had never been experience hail before so she had to scream and cry about it. Once in the car, we drove back home. I did the speed limit and everything. The cop who pulled me over earlier passed me by on the road and waved. Jackass.

All this because I didn't go to a Sunday Playdate.

Friday, March 24, 2006

You Say Shallow, I Say Screw You!

My blogfriend, MIM has taken a beating of bloglical proportions this week for her views. Some of the idiots have posted some rather mean and ugly comments and have called her a host of things. Shallow, in particular comes to mind.

You wanna see shallow? Read on!

I was hoping it would never come to this, but I am in need of opinions concerning a rather delicate matter in my home. While I already know what all of my female readers will say, I also desperately need the opinions of males as well in order to prove that I am right save my marriage.

Let me start off by saying that it is a rare event for Herr and I to argue. Sure, we have the token squabbles over who took the last beer without telling the other and nitpick over who should bathe the girls. We have similar views and ideologies. I even trust his judgement when it comes to things like art or furniture for the house. That said, I am distressed that we are currently in a bitter dispute over something so damn idiotic.


This is my dishwasher. I luuurve it. I love it because one can't hear it when it's running. It's true. We are fooled frequently and sometimes open it mid-cycle thinking it is off. I made it clear to Herr that we are taking the dishwasher and the refrigerator with us when we move. I told him that we should buy a plain ol' $250 dishwasher in a couple of weeks and have it installed and put the one we are taking with us to the basement and then the movers can move it. He agreed.

This is my kitchen. See the white cabinets. See the countertops that are gray with BLACK and blue flecks of color. See that the sides of my stainless steel appliances are BLACK. Should the dishwasher be white or BLACK? Herr feels that the dishwasher should be white to blend in with the cabinets. I told him he was on crack. The current dishwasher doesn't blend in now, and besides, the sides of the other appliances are BLACK. It's going to look really stupid and out of place to have a white dishwasher.

I am the first one to say that there are so many other more important topics to debate (Abortion, Sudan, Iraq, etc.) However, none of those issues will ever be solved on my blog. I need to choose my battles and this is the one I have decided take on at the moment, no matter how shallow and idiotic it appears to be. Besides, I never said this was the Huffington Post. Oh, wait--of course it's not the Huffington Post: I don't make stuff UP! Herr has completely refused to further debate this. I thought this would be an impartial forum to come up with a viable solution. Even if you have never commented on my site before, I am begging you to respond, even if it's the answer I don't want to hear. Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. I can take it. I just figured this would be a more democratic method than buying the dishwasher behind his back while he's away interviewing over the next couple of weeks.

****UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who provided feedback. After further discussion, we discovered that Lowes has a cheap stainless steel dishwasher for only $50 more than the one we were going to buy. Suweet! And, we can advertise that it is brand new. Crisis averted.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Happy Spring, My Ass

Ugh. Our luck ran out this morning. We've been fortunate to avoid snow for most of the season. Now that it's Spring, it only makes sense for us to get a storm. Normally, I wouldn't care but I am officially alone until late Thursday night. Herr Hausfrau is heading to Salt Lake City today for his first of seven interviews across the country over the next three weeks.

Cold Crappy Weather+Wind=ape-shit children

I am praying that the sun will come back out tomorrow with a high of 70 degrees. Don't laugh. It could happen.

I went to my very first ever Physical Therapy Session last evening. Not so impressed. For those of you keeping score at home, I have Plantar Fibromatosis. The non-medical term for this is, "My Heels Fucking Hurt Like Bloody Hell Every Damn Day." It seems that I overdid it at my new gym a month ago, hitting the treadmill and elliptical machine for too long and didn't properly stretch. As a result, I would get out of bed in the morning and promptly fall over from the pain in my feet. No lie. I had this problem about 8 years ago but it wasn't nearly this bad. It went away after I stopped wearing heels to work every day and wore a heel cup in my shoes for a couple of months. I couldn't take the pain anymore a couple of weeks ago, so I went to a podiatrist who prescribed foot exercises before getting out of bed and at night, anti-inflammatories, ice on my heels at night and physical therapy twice a week for three weeks. The hardest part is wearing shoes on my feet at all times. I am a barefoot or flip flop wearing kind of a girl.

The Physical Therapist, "Steve" made me instantly uncomfortable. I am a huge advocate for respecting people's personal space. Steve apparently doesn't subscribe to that philosophy. He is also touchy-feely. He kept touching the small of my back to guide me to places around the room. He also kept sliding his hand down my entire back when I did stretching exercises. The absolute worst part was when I was on an examining table and he was holding my foot and wanted me to push it towards him. That would have been OK, but he was making me push my foot into his GROIN!

Does anyone know if this is normal? I initially wasn't overly concerned because I thought he was gay and I have several touchy-feely gay friends. But then he started talking about his WIFE AND KIDS. I didn't want to give the 90 year old man next to me a heart attack if I started getting belligerent with him, so I didn't say anything there.

I would like to get some opinions, though. I plan on changing Physical Therapists, but I need to figure out how I should best complain. Any ideas?

Friday, March 17, 2006

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Despite the rather Germanic name of my blog, we are an Irish family (with some other stuff thrown in) through and through!

We decided to get the party started early, as an Irish family worth their corned beef and cabbage would do!

And about that rule I made when I was 8 that I would never dress my children alike: GAH!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Back Home

I am back at Hausfrau Haus after spending the weekend with June , Ward, Wally, and the twin Beavs. The original plan was for Baby Girl to come with me for some special "Mommy/Daughter time. However, Wally was throwing up the night before we were leaving, so June called me as I was pulling out of the driveway at 5:30AM to tell us he was sick. I decided to leave Baby Girl at home to be safe. Baby Girl took it well, thanks to the new Dora dvd I had purchased for the trip. Also, she quickly deduced that Gramma was there to care for Peaches, so she would have multiple trips to Old McDonalds (McDonalds). So I set out alone.

Hot Damn! I had the good fortune of riding in a car alone. Seven hours each way! I could stop (or not stop) when I wanted. I could enjoy the silence. I could play "There,There" by Radiohead 12 times consecutively and not get a look from Herr like I had a scorpion crawling across my face. It's the little things...

The visit was lovely but very busy. I may have previosuly mentioned that the Cleavers are moving to Canada this summer and they put their house on the market last week. I don't know how June does it every day with the three kids, but she is amazing. The weekend was a blur of toddlers and 3 year olds playing, diapers, feedings, getting the house ready for the open house, and figuring out where to go during the openhouse and other potential buyer visits. It wasn't all craziness though. We were able to read gossip magazines and laugh and do some shopping. On Sunday evening I begged to go to Ward's "trivia night" at the local English Pub. June had discussed it at some length in the past. I needed to witness this wonder for myself. I was not disappointed--especially when Ward's trivia team won $350. The best part was watching the other trivia teams come up to talk smack grudgingly congratulate Team Ward on their victory.

The drive back yesterday was adventurous as I drove through almost seven straight hours of thunderstorms. I refused to pull over, however, because I REALLY missed the girls and I wanted to be home before they woke up from their naps. I became super excited when I saw my two favorite Billboards on I-71: "IF YOU WERE TO DIE TOMORROW WHERE WOULD YOU SPEND THE REST OF ETERNITY?" and "HELL IS REAL." I don't know of two billboards that are more welcoming. God Bless the Midwest.

Things are back to normal now that I am home. Baby Girl is in major love with the gift Auntie June gave her--a Groovy Girl doll named Lourdes and a bed. Peaches loves her new pillow doll I got her. I will be enjoying the normalcy until next week when Herr starts his fly-in interviews. From March 21 until April 7 he will be interviewing in Salt Lake City, Groton, CT, Cambridge, MA, Atlanta and Wilmington, DE. Should be fun. Instead of doing a March Madness betting pool, I think I will do a "Where are the Hausfraus' Going to Move?" betting pool. Please submit your bets by April 15. Winners will receive some ADDITIONAL cool prizes that the Vietnam Vets didn't pick up last week. You can't win if you don't play!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I Got Nothin'

Things are pretty quiet here at Hausfrau Haus this week. I have been setting things aside for the Vietnam Vets to pick up on Friday since I don't want to do another cross-country move with a bunch of crap that we don't need. It's amazing how the stuff just piles up. Since we've only been in Ohio 10 months, we haven't had too much time to get completely overrun with crap, so it's manageable.

Herr Hausfrau is doing telephone interviews at a rapid pace. He also heard back from his former boss at his old company on Monday. He got approval to bring Herr back to the company. At this point, it will take about a month to put together the HR approvals and put an offer together. That is a good thing as it will give Herr more time to do some second interviews with other companies to see if there is something better.

Hmmm, what else. Oh yeah! The NJ company I still occasionally work for just moved into a new building within the same complex as their previous office. It took my friend about 12 minutes to realize that there was something strange going on in the office across the hall. She noticed that there were men hanging out in front of the other office door, ringing a DOORBELL! She decided to go across the hall to introduce herself, but the two Russian ladies who answered the door wouldn't let her in. They informed her that the company is a massage parlor. My friend went online to Google the name of their company and discovered a message board that was VERY informative: "$60 at the door, $100 in the back." "They get on top." You get the picture. The HR department in our company is horrified and wants to call the cops right away. My friend is worried because the girls' cars have NY plates and she is not comfortable messing around with what she thinks could be the Russian Mob. What makes this so weird is that these offices are in such a cute little town. It's crazy that it's there. Obviously, there is a market...

The best part of my week is going to be the road trip I am taking with Baby Girl on Friday. We are driving up to see June Cleaver for a long weekend. I am looking forward to spending quality time with my best friend, before we are both seperated by a lot more miles since she is moving to Canada and we are moving to Hell Knows Where. I am anticipating lots of girl talk, alcohol consumption (after children are in bed) and perhaps some shoe shopping. Yay for me! It should also be interesting for Peaches in that not only will I be away from her, but so will her sister. I am pretty sure I am getting the better end of the deal. Fortunately for Herr, his mother is coming on Thursday to help out while I am gone. I have no doubt that I will come back and Peaches will have a brand new wardrobe, all new toys and will be saying her first words, "chicken nuggets" and "diet coke."

Friday, March 03, 2006

Our House is So Quiet Now

My friend Amy came to visit on Sunday from New Jersey. She brought Baby Girl's best friend Katie and her little brother Jack. Herr and I met Amy and her husband Michael about 3 1/2 years ago when we were all in the same Childbirth Class. I don't think we ever actually spoke during the class. I, for one, was entirely too bitched up to be all that friendly to anyone in the last 4-6 weeks of my pregancy. The class was at 7PM on Monday, so I was really tired, especially after working all day. Plus I was sick at the end of my pregnancy and was constantly leaving the class to cough up my lungs. We actually met up again after our kids were born and we saw each other at the local Babies R Us. The rest is history. Amy has been such a wonderful support system for me because our daughters are two weeks apart and we didn't know what the hell we were doing. At any rate, this week was a dizzying amount of chasing, giggling, playing, roughhousing, fighting, crying, watching Barney, (Jack LOVES him some Barney!) screaming, makeup parties, shrieking, dancing and dressing up in princess dresses. Occasionally, Amy and I relaxed while the children napped. By the second day, the four kids napped went down at the same time in the afternoon.

Baby Girl learned all about make up application this week from her friend Katie.

Despite all of the craziness in the house, my house has never been more organized, mealtimes and baths went like clockwork, and Amy was on top of the laundry (my least favorite chore.) Did I mention that Katie LOVES TO DUST? As a result, I asked Amy to marry me and she said YES! We might be onto something with the whole "two mothers/1 father household thing. We'll be setting up our commune just as soon as Herr figures out where his new job will be. And so Amy's husband Michael doesn't feel left out, he may join the commune as well. He is good at building stuff and westling with the kids. This really could work. I'll keep all of you posted.

Yesterday we had the pleasure of meeting Jenette and her adorable son, Ethan. They came over after the kids' naps and there was more chasing and playing and arts and crafts and Barney watching. Ethan was initially shy, but got right into the thick of things in no time. It was a great time and I was so relieved that Baby Girl and Katie didn't hogtie Ethan and put him in a princess dress. Because it could have happened.

And now that Amy and her stinkin' cute kids are on their way back to New Jersey, our house is so quiet. So very quiet. It is bound to get a little noisy tomorrow when Herr's Aunt and Uncle come to stay. It should be interesting as Herr hasn't seen them in 15 years and I have never met them.