Wednesday, June 28, 2006

How Small Do They Make Helmets, Anyway?

So, I'm thinking that Peaches needs a helmet. And perhaps a harness. In the time it took me to run to the bathroom, pull my pants down, pee, wipe, pull my pants up and run back to the living room where I left Peaches--not sure if I flushed--she ran into the kitchen, climbed up on a chair, climbed up on the kitchen table and was STANDING on the table with a shit-eating grin on her face. Did I mention that she was clapping? And shaking her behind like the dancers in a Beyonce' video? Her second favorite place to climb is the living room rocking chair. Once she is standing on that, she puts her arms out like she is surfing and rocks back and forth. And again with the shit-eating grin.

While I would love for my daughter to be added to the list of world famous female climbers, I would prefer that it not be NOW. I have avoided going out with her in public the past couple of days because she is looking pretty rough. As of 8:30 EST this morning, she has 5 bruises and 4 scratches. Just on her face. The rest of her is covered with a virtual kaliedescope of yellows and greens and browns and pinkish reds (from scratches.) To be fair, these injuries are not all from climbing. Most of them are from bumping into furniture BEFORE she tries to climb it.

We have moved chairs so that they aren't in front of tables, we turned the rocking chair around so that it faces the corner. It doesn't matter. She finds new things to climb. Or new ways to climb the things I am trying to hide. Our biggest challenge right now is that we can't just remove the offending pieces of furniture because we are showing our house to sell.

I haven't even told Herr where I found her yesterday. I had run to the kitchen to answer the phone. When I came back in the study, she was standing on my desk reaching for the shelves that hang above it. It is a VERY narrow desk and she started to lose her balance. Thank God I was there to catch her. I probably would have been fired. Or reported to Child Protective Services.

These pictures are actually quite tame in comparison to what I am describing. You know, more mothering, less picture taking, blah blah blah. What makes this current phase so difficult is that she is so damn pleased with herself.


Kristen said...

Oh, man. I had a cousin that was constantly climbing and falling - he had a permanent scab on his forehead for years because he was such a little daredevil.

I think the stress would kill me. Luckily my first kid is overly cautious, and my second kid is too clumsy to realize what he's capable of...

Melissa said...

I love the pictures. She looks so pleased with herself. I would try to help, but kid does the same thing. She constantly has bruises. I am waiting for the day when I find her sitting on top of the fridge.

Maybe she is a future mountain climber? Or a gymnast?

Watch out for the rocking chair though. My cousin lost her three front teeth on a wooden one that she tried to climb when she was 20 months old.

Susan said...

I have a neice who used to strip off all her clothes and her diaper, climb up on the breakfast bar in the kitchen, and scream at the top of her lungs. Every. Single. Day.

She's three and a half now and doesn't do that any more. For whatever it's worth.

Kim said...

Oliver is just starting to discover climbing, having already mastered the shit-eating grim. He looks like an abuse victim half the time as it is. I am now very very scared.

kimmyk said...

OMG...She's too damn cute Hausfrau! Lil monkey girl ! But she's scarey! I remember when my daughter useta climb the monkey bars at the park-no second looking just go. I'd freak the f**k out everytime she'd do that afraid she'd fall. Honey always says "Takes one time falling and they wont do it again". Yeah tell that to children services. LOL!

She's cute though with her lil butt on the table!

wordgirl said...

Oh...I feel your pain. My youngest figured out (when he was about 15 months old) how to pull out the kitchen drawers in a staggered way to make a little "ladder" which he climbed upon to reach the top of the cabinet. And, yes, dancing ensued afterward. Also...climbing left him with many bruises which appeared ( the eyes of strangers) as though we had beaten him with bamboo rods. Also...head bruises from falling. Every week.

OTRgirl said...

Just to comfort you, I've worked with abused kids. Any professional knows that bruises on the face are usually kids being kids. Its the finger- (or mystery device) shaped bruises on an arm( or back or legs) that get the phone lines ringing.

However, most non-professionals will glare at you for being evil parents. Unless they had similarly fearless children--in which case you'll likely get a sympathy smile.

The June Cleaver Diaries said...

The stove climbing still takes the cake (shudder).

By the way, remember how we've been working with B not biting O? And how I sit there and just say "Nooooo B, biting is baaad. Nooooo."? And how B just sits there with his eyes lowered and his bottom lip out?

Turns out O's been biting HIMSELF the whole time!!!! Is that not disturbing????

I need to start saving for therapy bills. For both of them.

MIM said...

So, that chair would look SO good in my house. (Sorry, our living room is STILL empty.)

Okay, so I hope your house doesn't have trim/moulding along the doorways because I have a friend whose son CLIMBS it up to the ceiling!

Some kids are such little monkeys!

Waya said...

Love that grin!! Your daughter must have taken lessons from my 15 months daughter! We don't have stools any longer, they are permanently in the half bath. So I feel your pain. Poor girl has to go into the bathroom with Mommy while she does her business. Too many accidents.

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Holy Hell, MIM--we do have trim around our doorways. She hasn't thought to do that--thank God. I can't believe that I forgot to write about the stove incident, where she climbed up on the handles of the warming drawer and put her hands all over the stove. While I was cooking. I knew then that we were in trouble.

Mary P. said...

Isn't she so PROUD???

I was once on the phone with my aunt, when I heard her gasp and say, "How did you get up THERE???"

She had leaned back in her chair and tipped her head back against the fridge behind her - to see the face of her two-and-a-half year old son grinning down at her. From the TOP OF THE FRIDGE!!

His answer?

"I climbed up you."

He's 22, and still a total nutbar.

JustLinda said...

Oh My Gawd, how cute is she??? I love that last picture!!!

Anonymous said...

you have my sympathies, not my judgment. you can't watch them every second.