Friday, August 22, 2008

PMS + Forcing Child Onto School Bus for the First Time=Puddle of Tears from Mommy

It has been quite a week here. Corey started his job at Vanderbilt and Ella had her first day of kindergarten on Tuesday. While you probably saw the photos from the previous post, those photos were taken well before we actually got to school. When I escorted her to her classroom, she panicked and cried. She was the only kid who cried. I spent so much time talking her down that I didn't really have much time to think about the fact that my baby's life was changing forever.

When I picked up Ella that afternoon, she was bursting with news and telling me everything that had happened in class that day. I thought then, that we would be alright.

Today is her second 1/2 day of kindergarten. Starting next week she will go everyday all day. My neighbor and I decided that we would have our kids ride the bus together. While Ella had already voiced some hesitancy to ride the bus, she immediately became excited when she found out that Aiden would sit with her.

Then the bus pulled up.

Aiden barely waited for the bus to come to a complete stop and open the door before he was on and in his seat. Ella started to immediately cry and say that she didn't want to ride the bus and that she was scared. Sure it was scary! It is big and yellow and LOUD! Nevertheless, I firmly pushed her up the stairs and she sat in the front seat next to Aiden with all of the moms cheering Ella on. She sat next to Aiden and stopped crying. The bus driver winked at me and mouthed, "It's OK." God knows he has seen this before. The bus pulled away and all of us mothers waved and blew kisses as they left. The other moms told me that it was OK to cry and that they had done so when their children rode the bus for the first time. I told them I was fine and walked back to the house.

And then I cried.

It wasn't the fact that I didn't want to let my baby go. I am perfectly fine having my children experience milestones in their lives. I cried because of the look of fear on Ella's face as the bus pulled away. I realized that this was one time that I couldn't comfort her and make it better FOR HER. I couldn't eliminate her fear. For the first time in her life, on bus #145, Ella was going to have to solve her own problem and figure it out on her own. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Ella is a big kid. She needs to start embracing that role and owning it.


Jeri said...

I think all Mother's go through those tears (both Mom's and child's) the first time you put your child on the school bus. I know I did. I raced to the school to meet the bus and to walk my daughter to her class. When she stepped off the bus, her eyes were red and swollen, and then I really lost it knowing she had cried the whole way. Thank God for sunglasses.

It just occurred to me that it would be really smart if school districts gave kindergartners and a parent a ride to school on the bus a day or so before school started, a dry run, a dress rehearsal. It just seems like it would make that first day so much easier and less stressful if they had already gotten on and off the bus once before.

I know it costs money to run a bus, but it just seems like it would be so nice for the little ones.

BTW, my daughter is now in college. I went through it when my now 16 year old started kindergarten, too. It doesn't get any easier!

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain! The heart wrenching need to comfort your child, but knowing deep in your heart that you shouldn't so they can become that independent beautiful person you know they can grow into!

Good Luck!!!

kia (good enough mama) said...

oh, man! i hope she finds some friends at school quickly so that she can look forward to seeing them every day. i can only imagine your grief. i'd be stressed out for my kid too, with all these changes. i'm sure she'll adjust quickly, though. :) for what it's worth? I'd have been sobbing and shaking in an ugly cry like nobody's business!

Anonymous said...

Remember we went through the same thing with Alex last year. It got to the point that he would sit in class and quietly cry b/c he didn't even want to get on the bus to come home. I talked to the teacher,and we did a sticker reward chart together--- for getting on the bus with a smile. It was the only thing that worked.

kimmyk said... did her first day go?? bless her heart.

but soon enough it will be habit and she will just get on that bus and be all..."go mommy!" and she wont cry.

but i get this..and i remember the feeling of being helpless.

i sometimes think it's harder on us.

did you go to the school to meet the bus or no?

Misfit Hausfrau said...

I didn't meet the bus at the school. I picked her up that afternoon and I asked her how the bus was. She said it was fine but that she didn't speak on the bus. I thinks she was too afraid. She also commented on how there weren't any seatbelts!