Tuesday, August 26, 2008

It's Going to be an Interesting School Year

Over the years, I have heard time and time again that I am going to make a ton of friends once the girls start school. While I am certainly happy with the friends I have, they are everywhere that I am not, on account of us moving every ten minutes. Like it or not, I need to make some new friends here in Tennessee. I thought that the perfect chance to meet new people would be at the kindergarten orientation at Ella's school last week.

I had no idea that kindergarten orientation would be such an incredible opportunity to people watch. I walked in with a few minutes to spare before the teacher began her presentation. As I scoped out the room to find a seat (they were hard to find as they are chairs that are about 6 inches off the ground. I noticed the clique in the right hand corner or mothers and fathers who all knew each other. I was one of the few people who was without a spouse there. I found a chair, sat down and started to fill out the questionnaire the teacher had provided.

A minute into my paperwork, the door opened and a well-dressed woman came in with her Louis Vuitton bag. With a dog in it. As if she had forgotten that dogs weren't actually allowed in the classroom, she left the bag and the dog in the hallway for her children to play with. Because it MUST be OK to have a dog in the hallway of a school. To be played with. I was wondering if this was the same dog who showed up at Ella's dance class the night before. I.am.not.kidding.

Five minutes into the teacher's presentation, the door opened, and in walked a very harried woman. I am assuming she was harried because there was a lot of sighing and exhaling and such as she breezed in. She rushed around the room to find a seat, where she proceeded to sit down and start eating. Did I mention that she brought in a bowl of cereal? At 6:00 at night? The ceramic kind of bowl found in any kitchen in America? At a fucking KINDERGARTEN ORIENTATION?! Judging from the clanging of her spoon, and the crunching, the cereal was something special and just couldn't wait to be eaten.

And then there was THAT MOTHER. You know the kind. THAT MOTHER is the mother who has to always interrupt a speaker and inject their opinions, life stories or overall bullshit. All the teacher wanted to do was to give her presentation, say hi to the parents and get the hell home. But no, THAT MOTHER hijacked the presentation by peppering comments in places that didn't need peppering. She asked stupid questions, even though the teacher said there weren't any stupid questions. She lied--there were stupid questions, and THAT MOTHER asked them. She was also the person who literally jumped over the chairs and table to get to the teacher first after the presentation was over so that she could discuss how smart and special her child is.

Looking around the room and watching Mrs. Vuitton, the Cereal Eater, THAT MOTHER and the two women on opposite sides of the room having a duel to see who could snap their gum the most/fastest/loudest, I pretty much figured out that I will be searching elsewhere for new friends.


Mo said...

If this is the orientation, I can't wait for a field trip or PTA meeting recap. ;)

red pen mama said...

Sounds like some fun characters! Write a book!

Seriously, though, don't you despair sometimes? I tell myself to be open-minded, but some people just boggle my mind. I am very lucky I don't have to make new friends all the time. Or, when I do make new friends, they are like me and my "old" friends. (i.e. the Blogging Burgh Moms crew.)


kia (good enough mama) said...

I'm not sure which thing to be more appalled at - the dog or the cereal. Perhaps it would have been even more "entertaining" had the dog eaten the cereal, IN the classroom?

Sorry you don't think you'll make friends through the school. Maybe you can make some enemies instead? Enemies make for much better blog fodder than friends, really. There's always that...

Anonymous said...

Uh. Well... In QC people are very composed. You won't see someone outside in their jammies. You won't see someone grocery shopping in their slippers. You won't see someone interjecting their comments. You won't see someone out of line in regards to respect. Unless of course, that person is American.

For that reason, I'm ebarrassed for my native country.

In QC people are very composed. You will see someone outside dressed and looking chic even in their jeans. There's something about QC where people just KNOW how to dress. You will see families leisurely grocery shopping in their chic attire. You will see someone patiently awaiting their turn to speak. And when they do speak, they talk! QC are long-winded in conversations! You will see an immense amount of respect here. The pleases and thank yous and excuse mes are in abundance.

This culture is civilized!

I miss the civilized manners of my youth in my native land. I mourn it's loss.

Arwen said...

I know 4.5 hours is sort of far away but at least you have a 4.5 hour away bloggie friend (in me, of course). Parent watching is one of my favorite past times. Of course, I am probably a freak too so it all goes around...

kimmyk said...

you have a friend in central ohio. how's that grab ya??

i so hope those bitches hang around for a while cause i can't wait to read more about them.