Thursday, December 01, 2005

I Smell a Beatin'

I read a great post last night over at Dani's site about the rudeness in children and how it is getting worse. I couldn't agree more. I live in fear of having the "brat" in a playgroup or having the bully child no one wants to play with. That said, I spend my days drilling my daughter's head with lessons in etiquette and I will be doing the same for the baby when she is older. Don't get me wrong--I don't want to raise a couple of robots. I definitely want my kids to embrace their quirkiness and appreciate them for what makes them unique. I just expect them to be polite about it.

I realized this morning that my hard work to raise polite, well-adjusted children may be in jeopardy. There is an insidious force of evil that is chipping away at my older daughter. It is determined to stop at nothing to keep my daughter from being a polite little girl. Who or what is that force of evil you ask? That would be her father.

It all started early one morning a couple of weeks ago when Baby Girl was snuggling in bed with us. I was trying to sneak in a couple minutes more of precious sleep when I heard,

"You like a Wet Willie?"

I don't think I was even able to register what she was asking before a wet little finger was wiggling around in my ear.

"What are you doing?" I shrieked.

"I'm giving you a Wet Willie. You like another one?" she said as she stuck her forefinger in her mouth.

"NO I would NOT like another Wet Willie, Baby Girl!"

"OK Mommy."

She then turned over, whereupon my husband gladly received a Wet Willie from her.

"Honey, that is so gross! WHY did you feel the need to teach her that? I didn't say anything when you started to teach Baby Girl words like 'Tru Dat' and 'Word', but I have to draw the line at this!"

"Oh, Honey, it's not a big deal."

"It may not be a big deal now, but I don't want her to be the weird girl in 1st grade who runs around putting her slimy finger in the ears of her classmates."

"You worry too much."

Oh REALLY? Since then, she has given everyone in the household numerous Wet Willies. The baby and the dogs have been defenseless victims. Gramma almost got one too, but moved out of the way. I am trying to explain to her that "No means No" so she can't just run around giving them out if people don't want them.

I noticed that it had stopped this week. I was relieved. But thanks to my husband, he did it to her last night when we tucked her into bed. She woke up this morning with a renewed vigor to share her joy. I tried taking a picture of the girls this morning because Baby Girl likes making "forests" with her toys and asks us to come into her forest to play with her. This is what I got:

Her forest is now her Wet Willie lair.

I told her this morning that she may only perform Wet Willies on her dolls or her father. We have friends staying with us this weekend for God sakes! WE CAN'T HAVE THIS!

I wonder if my husband has any idea the verbal beating he is getting when he gets home from work today. Word.


Candace said...

True dat.

Actually, I don't mind so much the "boy" things my husband teaches the kids. At least they're learning it here, where I can teach the "no means no" stuff.

They're doomed to be odd ducks, though, what with him for a father and me for a mother. Someday they'll forgive us, after much therapy.

Granny said...

Spotted you over at homesickhome and just saying hi.

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Hi Granny--thanks for stopping by!

Kristen said...

That picture cracks me up. The little mischievious gleam in her eye as she prepares her wet willie is priceless.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

That pic is hilarious! Hopefully it is just a passing phase. I too am trying to raise a polite child - and my daughter just started HITTING and she bit me once so hard she broke the skin. She so didn't learn that from me (but she did learn from me that she better never do it again!!!)

Missy said...

Kind of funny and also gross. Cute picture. I would hate to be hubby when he gets home, word.

Stevo said...

I get one goddman wet finger in my ear this weekend & I'm gonna flip!

Of course, over my 43 years, I too have taught many children this gag (including one who ran up to his mom, wet his finger... and then stuck it in his own ear), so maybe it's just justice...

Do your doors have locks???

L. said...

It could be waaaay worse.

I knew someone in Japan who taught his preschoolers to do karate kicks.... which they did whenever other kids at daycare pissed them off. They ended up bruising some other little kids.

Give me a slimy little finger over a swift kick any day!

M&Co. said...

Wait until she learns to burp on command. Talk about gross!

Did you know someone found my blog searing for you on Google?

Susan said...

Let's see, things Wade has taught the boys that will someday get them expelled from Catholic school . . . yeah, I got nothing.

I, on the other hand, have taught them to swear. Dammit.

wordgirl said...

I don't think my husband taught our boys anything bad. The gas was just something they developed on their own (3/4 of the males in this family are lactose intolerant). He does, however, demand that they rise from their seats out of respect (in a restaurant) when I return to my chair after being in the restroom.

Get this...I'm married to a long-haired man. I dated tons of conservative short-hairs in my day, but this was the first and ONLY man to ever do that for me.

Mary P. said...

Wet Willies are just gross, coming and going. Never mind how disgusting it feel to GET one, why on earth would you even want to stick your wet finger in SOMEONE ELSE'S EAR??? And then, if you're two year old, you're liable to immediately stick your finger BACK IN YOUR MOUTH (earwax, anyone??).

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew...

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Oh yes, Mary. Baby Girl FREQUENTLY gives herself Wet Willies after giving someone else one. UGH!

kimmyk said...

I sat here with my hand over my mouth laughing the whole time reading this...because.....I remember when my daughter useta run around and stick her slimy lil fat finger in everyone's ear too. And she'd laugh from the bottom of her tummy-then I'd laugh which made her think she was funny, but I was only laughing at her laughing. Sorta contagious.
Be thankful she's not picking her nose or her butt like most men and ya know ..showing you or the dogs the presents she's found.

Susan said...

I know you will appreciate this, Hausfrau: Charlie has a cold, and today has taken to wiping his nose with the back of his hand and then wiping the back of his hand on the furniture. So far today I've caught him leaving snail trails on two chairs and the boys' little play table. When I asked him to STOP, he said, 'Okay, Mama' and wiped the offending hand ON ME.

Jesus Muffy.

theyellowwallpaper said...


I'm sorry I'm so late seeing this post (been way, way under the weather as of late - UGH). But, you made me laugh out loud with this story. My hubby is of a similar vein. Somehow over the years, he has encouraged our daughter to be very proud of the noises her body produces, particularly burping and "tooting." Without fail now if she let's one rip a giant smile appears and she announces her deed with great pride. Beats me how'll we'll undo this one.

LoryKC said...

I'm late in responding as I've been sick AGAIN TOO.
My daughter learned this also and also from her father.
Those dads think they're so cool. I personally wonder if my hubbie (being the youngest in his family) is afraid his kids will be behind too so he wants them to lead the pack...
Then again, I doubt there is any advance planning to the numerous tricks he teaches our kids. My FIL (yep, hubbie's dad) is even worse when he gets around the kids!!! He goes to visit their older cousins and comes back and teaches mine everything their older cousins have learned from their friends!
I too, am TRYING to raise polite children. So it does not help when my father comes for T-giving and teaches them to put their thumb and forefinger to their forehead and say "Loser!"

LoryKC said...

I got all worked up and typed too fast! it's still my father-in-law that gets the blame up there--not MY Dad! ; )