Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Why The Holidays Need to Be Over Sooner Rather Than Later
Misfit Hausfrau is getting annoyed. So annoyed, in fact, that she is starting to refer to herself in the third person. That can never be a good sign.
I have been trying to keep my annoyance from seeping into my home and polluting the air. I am disappointed in myself that I am not a little happier right now, what with the holidays coming and all. Sure, I have been baking millions of cookies and filling dozens of pierogies. I have been consulting with my mother to plan our traditional Polish Christmas Eve dinner. I have wrapped presents and decorated the house. At this point, Baby Girl only knows that Christmas is the birthday of the Baby Jesus. She thinks that the presents under the tree are for him, which I think is really sweet. Peaches spends most of her day trying to get all McGyver with the ottomans that are protecting the tree from her wily fingers and razor sharp chompers. This is good stuff people! These are the things holiday memories are made of. Right?
Unfortunately, my irritation is stemming from the world that is outside of my home. And while I refuse to let these things ruin a holiday, I need to get them off my chest.
All I wanted to get was my prescription. Just a quick trip. But NOOOOOOOO, every Jackass from here to Dayton has to drive to MY Target at 9:00AM to shop. In -13 degree weather. It doesn't help that half of the shopping center is under cosntruction and they have blocked all entrances but one to get to the Target. It took 45 minutes to drive in, stand in line to get said prescription, and drive out of the parking lot. And I didn't even get sidetracked in the shoes or toys. Hmph!
The Bitch walked in the door and saw me waiting next to the checkout for a customer's cart--the kind you can put a baby in. There weren't any other carts left in the store. I was holding a 19 lb. baby in the puffiest, most slippery coat ever. I was also holding the hand of my 3 year old. As the customer was getting ready to give me the cart, Baby Girl pulled me 6 inches in the other direction. The Bitch blew past me AND TOOK THE CART! My "Hey" and "Excuse me, but that was really rude!" were ignored as she flew with the cart to the back of the store. I didn't have the luxury of standing around waiting for another cart, so I trudged to the shoe section to buy boots for Baby Girl. Because I didn't have a cart for the baby, I had to put her down to help my other daughter try on boots. Because of that, she crawled away. Because of that, someone hit her with their cart. And then she ate things off the ground. And then I got dirty looks from other customers. And then when I was paying for my purchase, the Bitch brought back her EMPTY CART to the front of the store and walked out without buying anything.
Someone Keeps Stealing Baby Jesus!
Would you just stop already?! While I understand that technically the Baby Jesus shouldn't be in the manger until Christmas Eve, but it doesn't mean you have to steal it. Twice. And cut off the second one's leg in the process. Were you dropped on your head at birth?
I would love to know what Wal-Mart is paying Beyonce, Queen Latifah, Garth Brooks and some other country chick to whore themselves in their "Home for the Holidays" commercials. Wal-Mart doesn't get enough business during the holidays? Apparently not since they would rather pay people who would NEVER STEP FOOT in a Wal-Mart to hawk their wares.
The "Don't Call it Happy Holidays, it's Merry Christmas" People and the "Don't Call it Merry Christmas, it's Happy Holidays" People
Just shut the hell up already.
The Mail I Am Receiving from Area Churches
I don't mind getting the mail from the local churches, I really don't. What bothers me are the messages written on the postcards. One actually advertised that they WOULDN'T be conducting services on Christmas Day so that the ministers could be with their families. What? Why are we calling it Christmas then? Another postcard listed that I should attend their church because they provide free Starbucks and scones after their service. I really wish I wouldn't have thrown them away when I got them.
Gingerbread Lattes (aka Crack) from Starbucks
Best. Non-Alcoholic Drink. Ever. They are so good, in fact, that I would drink three everyday if I could. But then I would weigh 700 lbs. So I limit myself to just one each holiday season. Unfortunately, I drank my latte in mid-November. I need Starbucks to remove them from the menu. Now.
I could go on and on, but I have more pierogies to make. And children to feed and bathe. And trips to Indiana to pick up depressed, sickly mother for holiday fun!
Posted by Pinterest Failures at Tuesday, December 20, 2005