The Funk That is February

Oy to the Vey! We are in a dismal funk at Hausfrau Haus. The four of us are sick of the weather, sick of our surroundings and sick of each other. Due to a spending oversight on my part, we are on a forced "austerity plan." This means that we will be going nowhere until Herr gets paid at the end of the month (don't get me started on how he gets paid once a month.) Sure, there are all kinds of free things to do around here, but Herr and I are lazy. I am so lazy that I walked on the treadmill for over an hour at the gym yesterday so that I could watch "Charade" with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn. While walking for that length of time may seem admirable, it's not. I was too caught up in the movie to move to the elliptical machine(which had a television as well) or do some aerobics. And I think the highest speed I programmed the treadmill was 3.7 miles. Fortunately for me, no one seemed to need my treadmill. What's really sad is that I have seen the movie about six times. It wasn't as though I didn't know how it was going to end.

Classic movies on TCM aside, there is NOTHING on TV. What's that? The Olympics, you say? Blech. Aside from the brilliant two hour season finale on Arrested Development Friday night, I haven't watched any other TV at home. But all is not lost, I have a huge stack of books that I could be reading right now. What's that? Oh, right--the children. It seems that they are bored too. Any other weekend, Baby Girl would be THRILLED to rot her brain with hours of Dora. We finally let her this weekend so that we could read or stare at the idiot box. Unfortunately, Baby Girl wants to play her favorite games, "You Need to Tickle Me," "You Need to Chase Me," "You Need to Help Me Play Pla-Dough," and the always fun, "HELP!HELP! I am stuck in the SPOOKY FOREST! SAVE ME!" Peaches, who is no different this weekend than she is any other time, walks around the house screaming at us.

After I put the kids down for a nap this afternoon, I decided to do something useful. I realized recently that we don't get any type of family newsletters from our relatives during the holidays. As a matter of fact, we are lucky if we get cards from most of our family. My immediate family is scattered all over the world. Our distant family is HUGE, as are most Polish immigrant families. I think my mom's family is related to half of Chicago. Yet, we are close to virtually none of them. The blame is laid squarely on my mother who pissed off most of them over the years and shunned the rest, thinking they were trash. It's a sad state of affairs to realize that of my 14 first cousins, I would recognize only three of them if I saw them on the street. And one of them is dead. So, in the spirit of nosiness I thought I would Google some family members to see what they have been up to over the past couple of years. Here's what I found.

One of my cousins was quoted on Fox News stating that she wanted to see Tim McGraw's bare ass on film.

One of my cousins plays recreational squash in New Zealand.

One of my cousins attended a roast at MIT last year.

A couple of websites are monitoring my cousin's college visits to see where he will be playing football this fall. My guess is Princeton, but I hope Northwestern.

My nephew won first prize in a science fair. Damn my sister for forgetting to tell me.

One of my cousins went to the Indiana state finals in wrestling.

My uncle went on Lou Dobbs Tonight in December to straighten Lou out on some allegedly shoddy reporting concerning a study my uncle's trade organization did. Apparently Lou was surpised by how classy he was and intimated that while my uncle was on the show.

My ex brother-in-law is a grown man who plays with Legos. A lot. To be fair, I already knew that. He's even gone to a convention (helloo, Star Trek!!) I just didn't know the evidence was on the internet.

My second cousin (who is closer to my age than my mother) is on the Village Council where he lives in Michigan.

A distant cousin is playing Minor League Hockey.

My sister has been VERY busy on some geneaology message boards.

After awhile I got a little bored with Googling my family. I decided to check a couple of people from college whom we've not seen since we left. I didn't find many, but one that I did was absolutely hilarious.

One of the people Herr and I worked with at the restaurant in college was a very cordial and mature individual who was a couple of years older than we were. He had an adorable little girl from a previous marriage and an annoying girlfriend named Trish. He also had a fatal flaw. He was an absolute horndog. Bar none. He wasn't quite a predator, but he was close. Imagine my surprise when I looked him up and discovered that he is now an abbott for a Buddhist Zen Center (Mark and Laura--if you are reading this--there are even PICTURES of him!!!!)

So, if you're bored and trapped in your homes due to finances, laziness or the BLIZZARD that is kicking the Northeast's ASS, go on. Google your family. You might turn up something interesting. If not, than you will have at least fittered away a couple of hours.