Thursday, August 25, 2005

Cast Your Vote Here For the "World's Crappiest Mom 2005"

Hi. My Name is Misfit Hausfrau and I need your vote so that I can be crowned "World's Crappiest Mother 2005." I never dreamed that I could actually qualify for this esteemed award because I don't beat my kids, I feed them when they are hungry and I hug and kiss them a lot. After reading the rule book, however, I found out I qualified because I have no regard for my baby's hygiene. I realized that I haven't bathed Peaches since Wednesday. Of last week.

One could argue that I don't have much of a chance to win because I DO wipe her face, hands, feet and under her 12 chins after each and every meal. I also wipe her butt at least six times a day. However, she is starting to emit a not-so-fresh-baby smell. I guess you could say she has Baby Odor (BO). Her ears are also very yellow. Like corn. Maybe it is corn. No, no, I haven't fed her corn yet--whew!

One could also argue that her Baptism on Sunday counts as a bath. Not so. Father Jamie merely poured water on her forehead and nary a drop went elsewhere. Then he put this greasy holy oil on her forehaed, so that cancels it out.

What should put me over the top in the voting is that I am sitting here eating my "Light Ruffles" and blogging about it as opposed to getting off my ass and bathing her.

Vote early and often. I thank you for your support.

12 comments:

Missy said...

Way to hard on yourself. It's not like she is dragging a cloud behind her. You wipe a baby off so many times a day it's like you forget to do the total dunk especially when you have a 2 1/2 year old as well. Have another chip and blog on. I can't vote for you, I know too many people who really deserve it.

Mary P. said...

No votes from me, either. You're looking at the woman who routinely didn't really notice her children's hygiene (or lack of it, rather) until we were out in public. Then suddenly I saw the peanut butter on the cheek, the paint in the hair, the greasy smear across the shirt. I was there when it all happened, mind you, I'm not negligent: I just didn't see it. And who decided a clean child is a sign of a good mother, anyway? That's a dumb rule.

Susan said...

Okay, I'll vote for you. But only if you get your ass to Oklahoma and vote for ME for best family blog. Deal?

Mainline Mom said...

Oh shoot, I don't bathe the kid nearly as often as I ought. Tonight he definately needed a bath but we were at the gym working out until well past his bedtime so I figured I needed a bath and he needed sleep. He usually doesn't stink too bad.

LoryKC said...

Sorry. You seem like a nice candidate--honest--forthcoming--but I just can't give you my vote. Peaches is way too young to really stink yet (diaper issues aside)! She gets bathed all day--just not all of her all at the same time!
On the other hand, is it TOO politically incorrect to campaign for myself on your blog?? For I AM the worst mother around--I forgot to take a picture of my 2nd grader on the first morning of school (for the 2nd year in a row)!!!
We did do it when we returned home and she even posed like she was ready to run for the door: "I'll pretend this is this morning when I was hurrying, Mom!"
Now we're faking photos. Vote for me.

MetroDad said...

My wife and I were just chuckling about this yesterday. When the Peanut was born, we got into the habit of bathing her every night. Advice was given to us that our baby would then begin associating bathtime with sleeptime. Everything worked out great...for awhile.

Somewhere along the line, "every night" turned into "every other night." Now, it's turned into "whenever we remember." Oh well. Whenever the baby gets too smelly, we just spray some Lysol on her. Seems to work pretty well. (KIDDING!)

kimmyk said...

Does she have flies swarming her diaper like on Bebe's Kids?
Or when she crawls across the floor does dirt kick up around her like Pigpen from the Peanuts gang?
If not, then she's not ripe enough yet and therefore, you don't get my vote.
I'm sorry.

Misfit Hausfrau said...

It's funny--I never forget to bathe my 2 1/2 year old. Someone advised us that kids should get baths on the days they are in daycare in order to get rid of daycare cooties. So she gets bathed every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and it works great. Unfortunately, her last day of daycare is Tuesday, so I will probably forget to bathe her too...

I knew it was bad last night when even my husband noticed how dirty the baby was...

Candace said...

Eh, not so bad. I'll still vote for you, because I'm a lackey like that, but you're definitely not the Worst Mom Ever.

I remember once over the summer thinking to myself that I didn't remember the last time the kids bathed. And this was during the really HOT days, and they sweat and it's gross and I can't believe I couldn't remember.

Susan said...

Metro Dad: I have a friend who puts cologne on her boys on their bath-free days. Seriously. (And NO, it's not ME, it really is my friend--but only because my husband doesn't wear cologne).

Misfit: I figure if they've been in a pool (the splashy pool in the yard or, better yet, the big pool, which has chlorine to kill the germs) they are clean enough. Besides, who can remember anything when it's hot?

So, Hausfrau, did Peaches ever get a bath?

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Yes, I finally bathed her before she went to bed last night. Within 12 hours, she was possessing the same crusty nose and cereal leave-ins on her scalp... She snelled better though ...

Mother Hypocrite said...

Um, we live someplace really hot, and we go to the pool a lot, so I decided awhile ago that in a pinch, you can count that as bathing. All I know is that our water bill goes WAY DOWN in the summer, cuz of all the swimming and lack of bathing . . .