Thursday, October 27, 2005

Boobs and Poops

When I felt the lump in my breast a couple of weeks ago, I felt a deja vu. I remembered that I had felt it the month prior and sort of mulled it over in the shower. Suddenly, Baby Girl ripped open the shower curtain, started spewing satanic words from her mouth like the Tasmanian Devil and I forgot all about it.

Forgot all about it. That's pretty tough to do, isn't it? But I did. Until I felt it again.

I admit, I was a little freaked out about it. It wasn't until I was on the phone with my friend and we got on the subject of death (nice!) that I remembered I needed to call the doctor. But I didn't call the doctor until later that day. Let me give you a hint. If you have a cold and feel like you are at death's door, or have a migraine or have your arm out of it's socket, the doctor will see you in a week. Tell them you found a lump in your breast and they will see you bright and early the next morning, or better yet, get in there now if you can.

I visited my doctor the next afternoon. She couldn't find the lump and neither could I, which sort of made me glad. She mentioned that drinking too much caffiene can sometimes be a factor if you occasionally feel something. She then said, "Well you're already a year late in getting your baseline mammogram anyway, so I think you should get one. I am also going to have you get an ultrasound at the same time just to be sure."

"What do you mean I'm a year late? I thought I needed to start getting a mammogram when I turn 40."

"No, you should have gotten your first one at 35."

I suddenly felt REALLY OLD.

I am not the type who gets all hung up about birthdays and getting old. I remember a family friend who turned 30 when I was a kid and she cried for over a week. I've just never been bothered by it. I have always felt like I am the same squirrely 22 year old who is still at IU, whopping it up and feeling fine. I didn't feel old when I got married, I didn't feel old when we renewed our vows seven years later. I didn't feel old when I gave birth to the girls, even when the doctor made a comment during the delivery of my second one that it was a high risk pregnancy because of my age. Hell, teenagers have kids. Even my first gray hair didn't make me feel terribly old. Being told I needed to have a mammogram made me feel old.

So today was my appointment. As I drove to the appointment, I wasn't particularly nervous about going. I was irritated. I was told not to wear any perfumes, lotions or deodorant. NO DEODORANT!!! That's like going to work without brushing one's teeth! I was sweating just thinking about not wearing it. I was also thinking about my mother's words when I told her that I was getting a mammogram:

"JESUS H. CHRIST, that was the single-most painful thing I have ever had done."

Great. I tried to keep in mind that my mother never actually gave birth, so I somewhat doubted it could be that painful.

I had a fantastic technician named Danette who did a great job of talking during the whole thing and keeping me distracted. She need not have bothered. It didn't even hurt! I have no idea what the big deal is about getting a mammogram. Now having gone through one, I can't fathom why women are so afraid to get them. If they are worried about someone fondling their boobs, they need to get over themselves. I was starting to think that I should have ignored my doctor about going at such a "young age" when my husband called to see what was going on. I told him all was well and he sounded so relieved. Then, I knew I did the right thing by going, if for no other reason than to assure that my husband that he would not be a single parent any time soon.

In unrelated news, my daughter took her first two craps in the potty today and I couldn't be happier. She and I danced around like a couple of idiots, she got 5 M&M's, she got to watch her beloved Noggin, we called Daddy at work and she got to open the Poopie Present that has been sitting on the counter for several days--a stuffed Tigger. It doesn't get much better than that. Except I could use some deodorant right about now.


MetroDad said...

Sounds like a great day! Congrats on the clean bil of health and the poop in the pottie!

M&Co. said...

Congrats on the clean mammogram. I can't say I liked having it done, it did hurt having my boobs squished, but it wasn't the most painful thing I've ever done. Oh and the poop thing is SO GREAT! I'm looking forward to that day myself.

Susan said...

First, let me get this out of the way (and you know what's coming): shut the hell up about the poop in the potty! We had THREE poop accidents here today. Oh, and the peeing! On the floor! Argh.

But hooray for Baby Girl! I really am so happy, and will dance around in celebration (okay, first I'll have some wine, and THEN I will dance). Seriously, I know (I KNOW!) how long this road has been. Hooray for both of you!

And hooray for the Hausfrau boobs and their clean bill of health. You're my hero(ine) today, you know that?

McSwain said...

I'm glad everything was okay! I get those fibrous cysts on rare occasions. My mom, too. A few years ago, they'd aspirate them with needles. I had them a year ago (painful, too), and my dr. gave me a prescription that's usually used for endometriosis, and they went away just like that. Just a little info in case you ever need it in the future. :~) I don't think a lot of Doctors are doing that yet.

Missy said...

Congrats all the way around. That was all great news! Glad you found your jacket too.

kimmyk said...

Glad to hear your mammogram was clean. When I was about 28 I had my first because at that time I found a lump. Found out it was from too much caffeine too. I for one don't like going to have a mammogram done-it's not that i mind some chick fondling my boobs, it's the fact all dignity is lost. "wait here, i'll be right back I want someone to take a look at this film" so as ya stand there with your boob smushed in a vice grip (Not like ya can go anywhere) waiting on the chick to come back -not only does she come back but she brings a friend. dignity? gone.
glad to see your lil girl went potty in the potty for ya. she obviously wanted to do it on her terms huh?

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Wow Kimmy--you need to get them done at Bethesda North Hospital in Cincinnati. They were fabulous, very sensitive to one's needs and dignity. I am sorry that has happened to you.

Mary P. said...

Phew. Good news, through and through. You had me worried those first few paragraphs!

36 isn't old! And 36 with a clean bill of health - that's YOUNG. Yay for you.

And Yay for Baby Girl. I'm sure Tigger is thrilled to be off that counter and into her bedroom!

The June Cleaver Diaries said...

Kimmy-- when I was getting an exam to make sure I was pregnant, my doctor put the metal thingy in me, then said "I'll be right back, " and left the room. I don't know why she left--- to get a snack, maybe? Anyway, I was sweating from trying to do the world's strongest Kiegal to keep the thing from shooting out of me and across the room. Dignity? Please. I forget what that is.

Nothing But Bonfires said...

Never mind the Poopie Presents, I think you should get a Boobie Present for that.

kimmyk said...

so not martha-i'm sorry but i laughed so hard i choked on my water. it was the visual of a woman lying on her back and that speculum flying out her hoo ha and bouncing off walls like a rubberball all the while her eyes are rollin around lying there watching it hit one wall then the next and finally landing on the floor.
oh dear lord.

Susan said...

Kimmy, you reminded me of this: when I was pregnant with Henry, I had an amnio. My husband (who has a needle phobia) went with me, because I threatened to kill him if he didn't. But I *DID* tell him not to look at the needle (it's about seven inches long).

When the tech was getting set up, she accidentally flung the needle across the room. I swear it went twirling through the air in slow motion, right in front of my husband, who was watching it with his mouth open in horror.

For days afterwards, he kept saying, 'DID YOU SEE HOW LONG THAT NEEDLE WAS?'

Yes, honey, and she stuck one JUST LIKE IT into my ABDOMEN.


theyellowwallpaper said...

When it comes to aging, I agree that it's the odd moments that catch me off guard and make me feel older. Like when the grocery clerk joked about checking my ID. Ha, ha, ha…very funny.

I'm glad everything went well at your appointment and that you did trust your instincts in the end and got it checked out.

Now, if I could only get my 32 month old daughter to even pee in the potty - that would be a downright miracle!

LoryKC said...

Congrats on the poop in the potty!!!!

Congrats on the clean bill of health!!!! By the way, you are most certainly NOT OLD in any way!! (Spoken from a young 35-yr-old!!) ; )
I doubt I'd have enough to "squish" even when/if they order the mammogram but as far as "dignity" husband was a RESIDENT in a TEACHING hospital when BOTH of my children were delivered. I don't know why I even bother getting dressed anymore. They've seen it all...

MIM said...

First, I have to admit that I just read this post for the first time, and I JUST posted my new post mentioning the Tasmanian Devil. Obviously, we're on the same wavelength.

Second, I'm glad you okay.

Third, your first sentence to you last paragraph made me pee a little. You're too funny!

minimal_free_reign said...

Glad to hear it was a false alarm.