Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Hey, Remember Us?
Yeah you! We're talking to you. Remember us? We're the Dogs Formerly Known as Your Babies! We are quite unhappy with our present living arrangement. We have a list of issues we would like to discuss with you. Can you squeeze it into your busy schedule what with all the baby kissing and playing you do all day?
First of all, we do NOT appreciate being called Dumb and Dumber or Re and Tard. Our names are Linus and Bosco--got it? I mean, you're the ones who named us for Christ sake! Oh, and Bosco doesn't like being called Jackass either.
Secondly, about these kids: are they leaving anytime soon? We were under the impression that we were your babies. We were here first. You all are forever telling US to move when the baby is heading toward us. Why should WE move? Their toys and shoes are everywhere and it is a real nuisance when we are napping on the couch and we can sense the baby coming toward us to pull our tails or chew on our paws. We don't even chew our paws--that's just gross.
And what is with this new house? You keep forgetting to keep our water bowl full of fresh water. At least at the old house we had the pool to drink from. We also don't like the neighborhood dogs. At the old place, we only had to deal with the stupid deer. At least you could chase them and they would leave for awhile. The black lab behind us is a real pain in the ass with his constant barking. And don't get us started on those stupid white yippy dogs two doors down.
And exactly what did we do to lose our privilege of sleeping with the two of you? This sleeping in the laundry room crap is for the birds. You only give us one blanket to share. We really miss the days when we slept between the two of you in that queen size bed all snuggly under the covers. We also remember all the times Mommy fell out of bed after one of us would stretch out in the middle of the night. What a hoot!
And another thing: don't think we haven't noticed the change in our dog food. Did you think we can't tell that you've changed our food to Old Roy from Walmart that costs about $5 for a 50 lb. bag? Everyone knows that cheap dog food causes dogs to poop twice as much. And our gas is FOUL! Just put us back on Iams and everything will be just fine.
Why don't we get to go on trips with you anymore? We remember all the fun places you've taken us like Maine and Cook Forest and countless parks. Now you take us to the kennel. Kennels suck. We remember you used to always say that if you couldn't take the dogs with you, you wouldn't go. Oh how times have changed.
We demand more snuggling on the couch with the two of you and less of those kids. Got it? Don't make us beg for it.
Posted by Pinterest Failures at Tuesday, November 15, 2005