Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Hey, Remember Us?




Yeah you! We're talking to you. Remember us? We're the Dogs Formerly Known as Your Babies! We are quite unhappy with our present living arrangement. We have a list of issues we would like to discuss with you. Can you squeeze it into your busy schedule what with all the baby kissing and playing you do all day?

First of all, we do NOT appreciate being called Dumb and Dumber or Re and Tard. Our names are Linus and Bosco--got it? I mean, you're the ones who named us for Christ sake! Oh, and Bosco doesn't like being called Jackass either.

Secondly, about these kids: are they leaving anytime soon? We were under the impression that we were your babies. We were here first. You all are forever telling US to move when the baby is heading toward us. Why should WE move? Their toys and shoes are everywhere and it is a real nuisance when we are napping on the couch and we can sense the baby coming toward us to pull our tails or chew on our paws. We don't even chew our paws--that's just gross.

And what is with this new house? You keep forgetting to keep our water bowl full of fresh water. At least at the old house we had the pool to drink from. We also don't like the neighborhood dogs. At the old place, we only had to deal with the stupid deer. At least you could chase them and they would leave for awhile. The black lab behind us is a real pain in the ass with his constant barking. And don't get us started on those stupid white yippy dogs two doors down.

And exactly what did we do to lose our privilege of sleeping with the two of you? This sleeping in the laundry room crap is for the birds. You only give us one blanket to share. We really miss the days when we slept between the two of you in that queen size bed all snuggly under the covers. We also remember all the times Mommy fell out of bed after one of us would stretch out in the middle of the night. What a hoot!

And another thing: don't think we haven't noticed the change in our dog food. Did you think we can't tell that you've changed our food to Old Roy from Walmart that costs about $5 for a 50 lb. bag? Everyone knows that cheap dog food causes dogs to poop twice as much. And our gas is FOUL! Just put us back on Iams and everything will be just fine.

Why don't we get to go on trips with you anymore? We remember all the fun places you've taken us like Maine and Cook Forest and countless parks. Now you take us to the kennel. Kennels suck. We remember you used to always say that if you couldn't take the dogs with you, you wouldn't go. Oh how times have changed.

We demand more snuggling on the couch with the two of you and less of those kids. Got it? Don't make us beg for it.

17 comments:

kimmyk said...

They're just too damn cute! What kind of dogs are they? and how old????
my dan (beagle) is spoiled too. i mean, they're worse than kids aren't they? but gosh, they love us!

i *heart* my dog dan!

LoryKC said...

Although our first "baby" (ADORABLE mutt) passed away before our first child, it was probably for the best as I KNOW she'd be in cahoots with your babies!!
They're beautiful! Loved this!!

adria said...

Linus and Bosco are so cute!

I loved this!!

The June Cleaver Diaries said...

WHAT?!?!?! They don't sleep with you anymore?

Oh, how I'll miss the clunk-scraaaatch sound of them hopping off the bed onto the hardwoods in the morning.

And they are freaking adorable, as always.

Misfit Hausfrau said...

They are boxers--Bosco (on the left) is 3 1/2 and Linus is 6. They are actually cousins as they have the same grandfather.

Mary P. said...

You said you had white boxers, but I've never seen such a thing. They're wonderful!

That one full-on face portrait: I'm not sure if he's all threatening and firm "I mean it about those kids, woman!", or if he's simply pleading "You DO love me, right?" Or maybe it's "Just the the damn picture already!"

MetroDad said...

HOLY CRAP! We literally had almost the SAME exact conversation with our French Bulldog the other day. He has not been a happy camper. Every day, he eyes our daughter and shakes his head in disappointment. You can see his mind working to try and figure out what he did wrong. So sad. He was our first baby.

Susan said...

Poor doggies. At least they haven't realized that they are the babies you can give away . . .

Not that you WOULD, I'm just saying.

Stevo said...

I know these dogs - if Linus had thumbs, he'd shoot himself.

He'd probably take Bosco out first tho, come to think of it...

M&Co. said...

Oh my gawd those boys are cute! Demanding, but cute.

Jenette said...

those are some of the prettiest doggies I have EVER seen!

Makes me want a dog.

McSwain said...

Wow! Your dogs are great writers! Perhaps they'd like to guest-blog for me over Thanksgiving weekend? LOL

Misfit Hausfrau said...

A lot of people don't know that some breeders often kill white boxers at birth. They are not the AKC standard and are not to be bred. They often have health problems but ours are perfectly healthy. It's not uncommon for there to be 1 or more white ones in a litter. If you ever see them in a mall pet store and the sales person says that they are registered and can be bred, call them a liar and leave. A reputable breeder will sell them to you for very little money.

This had concluded my public service announcement!

wordgirl said...

Oh my god...the expressions on your dogs' faces are almost human. So accusatory! So sulky! So tragic! Cheap dogfood from Wal-Mart..you're killing us! You channel dogspeak brilliantly!

theyellowwallpaper said...

First, I never realized that about white boxers. That is really sad - thanks for the information.

Second, it's hard when your first "kids" get bumped down the pecking order once you have children. We've got two cats that have had a rough adjustment after we had kids. It probably didn't help that my daughter liked to pull chunks of fur of them and tended to like to squeal loudly as a baby. Currently, we seemed to have achieved a temporary truce. They stay out of her way and she doesn't chase them. Unfortunately, my son has now taken an active interest in them. Poor fellas.

Jill said...

We have a boxer and a lab/something mix and those poor babies.... once our first human child came, down they went on the priority scale. I know they are wondering what in the world happened and how much longer til this mini-human leaves. Although, Zoe (lab mix) gets to sleep in Mamma's bed when Daddy's gone and gets kinda perturbed when he comes home. :) And I'm not really sure who has worse gas - Zoe because of the Ol' Roy dog food or Daddy... hmmmm....

GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

So cute! My poor boxer ALWAYS wants to play. He puts his toys on Archer's lap thinking that he is his new playmate.... He pouts around the house with sad eyes. my boston, however is like, "evs." i think she thinks archer is her baby. wherever he is, she is right there. great post!!!! love the doogs. boxers are just the best.