Friday, April 28, 2006

All Sixed Up

It's been awhile since I have done a meme, but Adventure Dad tagged me to discuss six things about me that are weird or strange. What, only six? I'd like to think that I am vanilla normal and that there is nothing odd about me. But I know that simply isn't true. I am sure I could think of quite a few things about myself that could be considered psychotic idiosyncratic. My friends who sometimes read my blog will already know most of these, and they are still friends with me anyway, so maybe they aren't so bad. Besides, I've had all kinds of time to write this week because I haven't left the house since Tuesday due to the Diarrhea epidemic in our house. Here goes:

1. I cannot poop in public. I.just.cannot. When I was living the life in Corporate America, I managed to train my body so that I didn't have to risk doing that nonsense at work. It was before work or after work. There were only a couple of times where I would sweat it because I started a new job with a new company, and for some reason, my body decided it had to change the routine. But by and large, it didn't happen at work.

Until I became pregnant. By that time, we had moved to New Jersey and my office was a broom closet in one of our stores. And it was across from the bathroom. It wasn't so bad until I would travel to the corporate offices in Pittsburgh. Then panic would set in. After awhile, I found the safest place to go was the bathroom in the first floor gym.

I am equally bad at hotels if I have roommates. I used to work for a company that was big on having corporate meetings in San Francisco about 4 times a year. They would match us up with another rep from somewhere else in the country to share a hotel room. It sucked. I finally got wise and told the travel agent I needed a smoking room to ensure that I would have my own room. It was such a relief when I joined another company a year later that actually had a policy that people could NOT share hotel rooms.

2. Speaking of hotel rooms, I have a routine whenever I come into my room for the first time. I immediately remove the comforter and put it in the closet. If I remember, I bring a pillowcase for the top pillow I will sleep on(and I usually leave it there.) I also bring Clorox Wipes and give the toilet and sink a rub down. Then I inspect the towels and bed for hair. If I see hair, I call the front desk for new linens. I will not walk barefoot in a hotel room, I wear flip flops in the shower and am fully clothed (with socks) when I sleep. Travelling extensively for two companies caused this behavior. My husband HATES it. I try to hide most of it from my friends when we stay in hotels, but removing the comforter is a bit hard to hide. One would think after reading this that the bathrooms in my house are meticulous. Not so much. I am thrilled if one of the four is cleaned in a week.

3. Whenever I board a plane, the first step I make on the plane has to be with my right foot. It just does. I have a feeling it is a control issue. I can control how I walk on the plane. What happens after that is up to others. My worst nightmare is that one day, the plane will be piloted by the biggest stoner from the La Porte High School class of 1987, a guy named Glen. The last I heard from him, his father was begging me to fly with him because he needed flying time. Had I not just been at a party with him the night before, watching him partakein a big ol spliff, I might have reconsidered.

4. I will play a song I love in my car over and over and over and over and over again. It was fine until Baby Girl started to recite lyrics in public. This habit annoys my husband as much as the hotel routine. I usually only do it when he's not in the car.

5. I am terrified of clowns. I hated Bozo and his friend Cooky but my mother would turn on the damn Bozo Show every damn day. Don't even get me started on clowns that walk around and mingle at parades. One came up to me to hug her when I was a kid at the LaPorte 4th of July Parade and I peed my pants after I hauled off and hit her. It was made quite clear to Herr that he will be responsible for taking the girls to the circus or attend future birthday parties that feature clowns. I will NOT do it. I do tolerate Krusty the Clown, though.

6. I have always had the dream that I will someday be a famous rock star. It doesn't matter that I don't read music, can't play an instrument and have never sung in public sober. I know I'm good. I'm not going to let the fact that I am a 37 year old mom in Ohio stop me. I choose to not watch American Idol. I could kick all of their asses. I will be discovered by an agent while I am singing in the shower at the gym. I will be immediately signed to a label and cut a hit record. I will hire all of my girlfriends to be in my entourage and we will have two tour busses--one for us and all of our clothes and beauty products and the other bus will be for all of our children, nannies and pets. No husbands allowed on the tour bus--too much estrogen. Herr will no longer have to toil away as a Scientist, trying to cure the world one drug at a time. Instead, I will buy him a building and he can live out his fantasy of brewing the perfect beer and pondering amusing names for said beer like, "Herr of the Dog" and "v1/v2 = (m2/m1)1/2."

Now it's your turn!!! KimmyK, June Cleaver, Erin Dances with Scorpions? Beuller? Beuller?

18 comments:

kimmyk said...

The first thing I do when I get in my hotel room is strip that nasty ass comforter off the bed too. Do they ever wash it ? I don't think so.

My daughter hates clowns-I don't pay any attn. to them. She has a few shirts that say "Clowns scare me!" etc.

Weird about the right foot thing though on the plane...but in some sense it makes sense so.....

MetroDad said...

Posts like this one remind me of why I love coming here. I am so 100% with you on all 6 of these things (ok, not so much the airplane but I have some strange superstitions also.) Rock on, Misfit. You ARE a rock star!

OTRgirl said...

I've got a gross hotel room story, but I'm sure you've got me beat. I never thought of doing all that, but you may have just converted me! That and CSI when they go and do the ultraviolet crap in a hotel room. Holy Semen, Batman, it's everywhere!

Susan said...

Clowns are evil. EEEEVILLL!

croutonboy said...

I'm mostly with you, meine Damen. (Is that plural? I sucked at German) I think the CDC recommends removing the comforters in hotel rooms. They also recommend burning them immediately, but I've had a hard time with the hotel managers any time I've done that.

The pooping thing? A little weird. Perhaps you should try Depends...no one will ever know.

Kristen said...

Okay, I can't believe your company made you share hotel rooms. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??? And you have four bathrooms?? That is justification to only have to clean a bathroom once a month, right? ;-)

kimmyk said...

Ok mine are up...Just for you Hausfrau!

Andie D. said...

Oh, I always knew you were weird! ;)

I do the song thing too. Can't help myself. I think it started in college when my car stereo broke and all I could play was the same song on the same tape over and over.

Kim said...

I sort of tagged you a while back, but let you off the hook because of the 87 things (which I really am in awe of). As for the upcoming move, wrong end of PA, Misfit, WRONG END!!!

Stefanie said...

I have the exact same pooping issue. I used to even be pee shy but I trained myself to be able to go. I swear it took a few years but I can pee in public now.

AdventureDad said...

So you are weird after all..... Thanks for sharing some funny stuff with us:-) The hotel thing and poping in public is also a latin things. Wife hates to do that and many latins can't poop or even take a shower at their gym. I'm totally with you about playing the same song over and over and over again. It drives my wife crazy. Back in the old days (1990-95) when we didn't even have compact discs I used to prepare my favorite tapes for my bodybuilding workouts. I loved the song "Rhytm is a dancer" by Snap and redored a whole tape, front and back, with the song. Then I would workout with that tape for a couple of months. Right now it's a couple of songs by Juanes and the new Shakira song that is driving wife nuts.

AD

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

You would actually be a really good roommate, what with the cleaning and the no pooping. Too bad I already have a roommate for BlogHer.

Maybe we could start a band. I too want to be a rock star, and I love my children, but I'm glad they will be on the other bus.

wordgirl said...

I've made peace with the fact that I'll never be a rock star. It's a poor subtitute that I'm able to use the bathroom in public...as long as the people in the next stalls are strangers.

Stevo said...

OK, kiddo - I love you but Herr is SO right - that hotel thing is just plain weird.

Hear me out now...

As you know, I've lived in hotel rooms for months at a time, far far away from home, and I've never prepped a room in any way whatsoever. Yes, I've hung art, moved stuff around, put up pictures of the wife (& cats), gotten drunk and (slightly, oh ever so slightly) missed the toilet when urinating. and, yes, I've roved the room naked for hours on end and (remember now, this was weeks & weeks away from my wife) I may (may mind you) have... ummm... punished the bishop, shall we say... once or twice while spread eagled on the comforter. (OK, if you used one of those CSI lights that makes bodily fluids shine like a lighting bug, you could have probably seen that hotel room from space... but I digress...)


And, OK, OK, I even pooped a little once in my shower during a bad flu phase on a job in Florida. There - I've said it...



Buuuuuuut anyhoo - again, I think your phobia re: hotel rooms is absolutely absurd... crazy-talk...

I pray for your improved mental health.

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Stevo--

You have rendered me speechless. You've known me long enough to know that is practically impossible.

emma said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
emma said...

Hey, your eccentricities re hotel rooms don't sound too bad. At least you don't carry fresh sheets in your suitcase to place on the bed. The right foot on a plane business is a bit wierd though.

EmmaK said...

Hey, your eccentricities re hotel rooms don't sound too bad. At least you don't carry fresh sheets in your suitcase to place on the bed. The right foot on a plane business is a bit wierd though.