Friday, July 08, 2005

To the Nice Lady Who Works at My Gym

I am begging you to please stop talking to me while I work out. It is NOT my fault that I am the only one here. Your gym advertises a 30 minute work out. How can that be when you incessantly babble about yourself, your family and your pets? Worse, you ask me questions that require more than a grunt for an answer. As it is, there are 11 pieces of circuit equipment and 11 steppers between them. If I do each piece twice at the rate of 40 seconds per piece, and take three 40 second breaks to check my heart rate, that equals 30 minutes.

I am here to do a job, not make friends. I absolutely despise working out and you are prolonging MY agony with your constant blathering. My job is to get in and get out. If I come in at 6:17 pm, I expect to leave at 6:37 pm.

Not 6:45 pm.

Not 6:57 pm.

Please don't think I am not friendly. I always smile and say "Hello" when I walked in. I always say "Good Bye."

Also, please stop asking me if I am OK. I always look like I am having a heart attack when I work out. But I'm not.

And, grateful as I am for the invitation, you have asked me four times if I am interested in going to your church. I'm not. I also don't want to buy any Mary Kay cosmetics.

So please, go back to whatever it was that you were doing before I walked in. Thank you.

Oh yes. Could you please tell the owner of the gym to PLEASE take down the mirrors that run the length of one side of the gym? I do not enjoy watching my flabby self flabbing about on the equipment.


k said...

Reminds me of the guy who ALWAYS INSISTED on putting his mat next to mine in yoga, then spent the entire time loudly farting. And of course, I was sure everyone thought it was me, as I was the one looking mortified while this dude calmly went about his Downward Facing Dog. I dropped out of the class, only to have him surface in my Jewish Mysticism class. Again, he sat next to me, grunted and took his gas out on the poor 1970's orange plastic chair. This time, it was the rabbi who looked stunned.

Mary P. said...

LOL...funny post, and funny comment!

The gym lady is probably bored out of her mind, but she shouldn't solve that problem by annoying the clientele! I have a suggestion: next time, wear earplugs or headphones. Even if you don't have any music playing, with those headphones you have the perfect excuse not to respond. She'll give up.

Misfit Hausfrau said...

K--Seriously--when are you going to start a blog?!

MaryP--You're right. I thought about the headphones, but thought it would be hard to hear when I am supposed to change to another piece of equipment. Good idea about not actually having anything on!

minimal_free_reign said...

If you come in at 6:17pm, and expect to leave at 6:37pm after a *thirty* minute workout, you may want to start watching a little more PBS.

I know you're in the Midwest now, but there's a difference between courtesy and "niceness." Courtesy has integrity. Niceness is all about appearances. Screw that noise. Nice is for pussies. Or, as Stephen Sondheim said, a *bit* more eloquently, "nice is different from good."

小小彬 said...