No Need for Calgon to Take ME Away

Did your little "Darling" have the meltdown of the century today at the park because Maddie had a juice box and she had water? Were her fists a'flyin as you hauled her ass to the car? Did she glare at you with hate rays and SHRIEK the ENTIRE 25 minute ride home?

Fear not my harried friends. I have a recipe that will soothe those nerves.

After you have placed your beast in bedroom, go to the kitchen and prepare the following:

1 half eaten container of frosting (Today I have Meijer brand cream cheese frosting, but you may want chocolate)

2 heaping tablespoons of JIF Creamy Peanut Butter (crunchy is too much work)

Stir (but not too much). Walk over to couch, eat some. Let the flavors swirl around your mouth. Start rocking back and forth.

There, there. It's all better now........

Late Night Feedings

Peaches is going to be 5 months old on Sunday. I feel as though she is growing much too fast and I want it to stop.

Right now.

Peaches is sleeping from 7PM-6AM most nights now, which is awesome! But I didn't mind feeding her last night when she woke up at 1:45. My husband can't understand why she isn't always sleeping through the night like Baby Girl did. Peaches has pretty much done the opposite of Baby Girl in everything, so I am used to it now.

I know this sounds crazy (it could be my lack of sleep talking), but I'm not sure that I am ready for her to sleep through the night permanently just yet. I absolutely LOVE cuddling with her at that time of night. She's the type of girl who falls asleep while taking her bottle, so she usually goes back to her crib after about 15 minutes. Unless, of course, I find a movie. Last night it was "Japanese Story" with Toni Colette. Very sad...

I'm not sure why I feel this need to cuddle Peaches at night. Maybe it was because we don't actually plan on getting pregnant again. We want to adopt the next child as opposed to having one. Maybe it's because Baby Girl was in daycare full time until she was 6 months old because of my job, and I feel guilty about it. Who knows.

But for now, I will continue to enjoy the late night feedings until they cease...

AHHHHH Tuesday

I have to say, Tuesday is rapidly becoming my favorite day. I showered before 8AM, ate breakfast, ran errands, put away laundry, got to go to the bathroom with the door closed, watched my cooking shows without being told to change the channel, cuddled with Peaches, ate lunch without hiding in my pantry, got to talk on the phone for more than 5 minutes AND got to read this week's trashy magazines uninterrupted.

Baby Girl is at daycare today!!!!!!!

Let me just start off by saying that I love Baby Girl. Truly, Madly, Deeply. However, if she wasn't going to the Goddard School 3 days a week, our entire family would suffer. I really REALLY mean that.

Baby Girl wasn't always Hell-On-Wheels. She was an AWESOME baby. She slept through the night at 6 weeks, cried only when hungry, traveled well and smiled happily at strangers. She became a really polite, even-keeled and very very funny kid.

Until November 2004 ( a month before her 2nd Birthday). The Chemist and I are now the proud parents of Sybil.

I do realize that a lot of crap has been thrown her way in recent months. Peaches was born in February, we sold our house two weeks after that, we've moved cross-country, got yanked out of her old daycare and placed into a new one. But since this behavior started before all that, I can't tell if this is JUST Terrible Twos or if it is also, "I am really PO'd at the two of you for Moving, " or "Where the F**K is my old daycare?" I am pretty sure she's not mad about the birth of Peaches. She has only bit her 3 times and really seems to love her.

Any time we tell other parents about her behavior, they nod knowingly and say "oh, yes--wait until she turns three. That's much worse."

God help me.

Siriusly, Folks

May I tell you all how much I am thoroughly enjoying my Sirius Satellite Radio? I had no interest in getting it. I am an NPR girl for most of the day. However, I am also a Howard Stern fan, and can't bear to imagine not hearing him in the mornings once he leaves regular radio at the end of the year. It wasn't until we moved to this town and quickly discovered how abysmal the radio stations are here (the only decent one is a HIGH SCHOOL station, for Christ Sakes!)that prompted us to buy it 6 months early.

WELL, there is a station called 1st Wave that takes me back to my extremely happy, carefree and fun college days (as opposed to the sucky 18 years prior to college and the humdrum of Real Life now. There is NOTHING better than sitting out on my deck on a Friday evening listening to Depeche Mode, The The, Wall of Voodoo and New Order. Even better--a radio show on Friday Nights hosted by Fred Schneider of the B-52's. It's like the perfect mix tape from an old boyfriend.

Equally exciting is the announcement that Martha Stewart will soon roll out her station. I will be able to let my inner domestic diva out with a dose of Radio Martha.

I may be too busy to listen to Howard when he finally comes over...

Baseball, Hotdogs and Cabbage

I was talking to my husband last night about the whale burger topic I wrote of yesterday. He said, "If you think that's stupid, you should read this."

Here it is , courtesy of BBC News:

Korea Bans Baseball Cabbage Pitch

A baseball pitcher's best friend?
South Korea's baseball authorities have banned a star pitcher from wearing frozen cabbage leaves in his cap to keep cool during games.
The Korean Baseball Association met in special session after cabbage leaves twice fell from Park Myung-Hwan's cap live on television.

After two hours, the committee ruled that cabbage was a "foreign substance" and therefore banned from the field.

Players may now only wear cabbage by presenting a doctor's note in advance.

Mr Park, who plays for Doosan, is currently ranked as the second-best pitcher in the eight-team South Korean baseball league.

He began keeping cabbage leaves in his cap last year after hearing that US baseball legend Babe Ruth used them to keep cool on the field.

"In common sense, it is difficult to consider that wearing a cabbage leaf will affect pitches," a KBO spokesman said.

"But since it has become a controversy, we decided to set a limit on the boundaries of foreign substances."

Mr Park said he was glad he helped to clarify a rule, but that he was planning to stop using cabbage anyway.


Does this mean that women will soon be banned from using cabbage leaves to sooth their engorged breasts?

I Really Need to Stop Reading the News Headlines on Yahoo

Japanese Fast Food Chain Launches Whale Burgers

A Japanese fast food chain said it would sell 200 whale burgers a day to meet strong demand from its customers amid global criticism over the country's bid to expand whaling.

Burger chain Lucky Pierrot, which runs 10 shops in the northern island of Hokkaido, said the burger using minke whales caught under Japan's controversial "research" whaling program was selling like hotcakes.

"We fry minke whale meat and the burger really tastes like beef," manager Miku Oh said.
"We have decided to add a whale burger to our menu due to strong demand from our customers and feel very thankful to the whales for allowing us to make the burgers,"


WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


Well, at least Miku THANKED the WHALES

The Real World? Let's Rename the Show, "Last Night Was Great. What's Your Name Again?"

So, I just finished watching TRW premiere episode in Austin. Oh MY GOD!!! It took less than 15minutes for two girls to start making out. That is so last year! With the exception of Jehehmiah (the African American film maker) and Lacey (the virgin hairdresser), the other 5 people are just a step above retarded.

Now, I ain't no prude, but I am worried about the future world my daughters are going to be subjected to. I would be beyond mortified if I was related to Wes the Fraternity Boy. Wes MUST be Kansan for Pasty-Faced Horndog Jackass. He is so over the top with his horniess that he MUST be overcomenpensating for an impotency problem. All the rest are a forgetable blur of half naked skanky idiots.

I have a better idea for next year's Real World Season. I think they should get 7 people together from all walks of life and have them spend 5 months in Section 8 housing or, better yet, a Third World Country. I would SO watch that!!!!

I'll take the Scrambled Words With a Side of Bacon

When I think back, I am utterly amazed by the things I have said (ideals, plans, philosophies) that have been completely blown to pieces--particularly with regard to my family. I now refer to them as utter fantasy. Here are just a few tasty morsels I have been forced to eat:

Fantasy--- My baby will never have a binky.
Reality--The binky was in Baby Girl's mouth as we pulled away from the hospital.

Fantasy--- I will breast feed my children.
Reality--I was unable to breastfeed Baby Girl because my milk never came in. I did, however, try to breastfeed Peaches. It sucked (no pun intended). Stopped breast feeding after the first day.

Fantasy--I am not going to feed my children hot dogs or other processed meats.
Reality--Please.

Fantasy--Timeout is a stupid punishment. Can't you just tell the child no?
Reality--There is a permanent stain in the living room corner from Baby Girl's nose being permanently glued to it. For the record, I still think it is a stupid punishment, but it's not like I can beat her.

Fantasy--I will NOT be a stay-at-home mom.
Reality--I lasted 5 months after Baby Girl was born before I left my full time job and started working 2-3 days a week. I am now home full time since the birth of Peaches.

Fantasy--I will not let my kids watch more than 30 minutes of television a day.
Reality--Without my friends at Noggin, I could not shower, talk on the phone, clean house or take a crap in peace.

I am comforted by the fact that I have not caved on one of my ideals:

I will never own a minivan!!!!

Getting to Know You

So, we moved to this nice Ohio town a month ago from New Jersey. I can tell you that the reception we have received here is QUITE different than our arrival to our old house in New Jersey. While I was raised in the midwest, I have been away awhile. We have been completely taken aback by the stream of neighbors who have come by bearing gifts of brownies and chocolate cookies. They are all quite friendly and seem sincere. Some have even offered up their teenage daughters as babysitters. They've also been very eager to find out if we go to church. If not, we are welcome to attend theirs!

This was our reception when we moved to our previous home in New Jersey.


Do you hear crickets chirping?

In all fairness, our neighbors in New Jersey were all over the age of 70 and didn't really leave their houses much. Charlie and Arlene were in Florida when we moved in and we didn't meet them until we had lived there for 3 months.

But STILL...

Call me a cynic, but I can't help but wonder what these neighbors of ours are hiding. Maybe I have watched one too many episodes of Desperate Housewives or Melrose Place, but I know that behind those cookies and brownies are secrets. Big ones. Out of the 170 homes in our subdivision, at least a few people MUST be swingers. There is a man in our neighborhood who HAS to be wearing women's underwear.

That certainly makes meeting the neighbors interesting...